Steps to live again...

Over a year has passed since my dear friend, lover and confidante chose, or was reportedly compelled, to break ties with me; and yet every day is still filled with pain. Will I ever be happy again?

My unhappiness is a bottomless cup. I know I must be cheerful, liv­ing in a loving family and having good friends, yet gloom haunts me… Something has to change or I shall be sick. Clearly my situation is not going to change; therefore, I shall have to change. But how?

I have given much thought to my predicament and I have devised a simple set of rules by which I plan to live. I intend this to be a daily exercise. I pray that the plan will some­how deliver me from my dismal swamp of despair. It has to…

I have formulated the following simple strategy, in effect, rules-to-live-by; and will endeavour and resolve to do the following every day:

1. Do something for someone else.

2. Do something for myself.

3. Do something I don't want to do that needs doing.

4. Do a physical exercise.

5. Do a mental exercise.

6. Do an original prayer that al­ways includes counting my blessings.

I lim­ited myself to six rules because I feel that number to be "manage­able." Here are some of the things I have since done, and do, to fulfill my six assignments.

Something for someone else. I would like to think that my messages of inspiration or advice I blog or post on the social networks, quite cover this daily activity; but something is still lacking. My idea, of really doing something for someone else, would be something physical - or at least more tangible and personal for a particular individual. Visiting a sick, or even just lonely, friend makes up for this lack. I also always try and have an item or two available for our local rag-and-scrap guy. Tossing the odd coins to a street-beggar does little to satisfy my need to indulge this assignment… but when I can, I do.

Something for myself. At "doing something for your­self" we all probably can excel. I began with a friend’s idea of bath therapy - A bath should be the ultimate place of relaxation. Gather lemon, mint, laven­der and rose geranium. Steep the dried leaves in boiling water for 15 minutes and strain into the tub. Lie in the bath with your eyes closed, and do not think while soaking. Let the tensions of the day melt away. It is sensational. – The occasional sauna at the gym also does wonders, but is not a pleasure I get to indulge in too often. I started a herb garden of my own with a view to making up herbal sachets for Christmas gifts. In so doing some­thing for myself I can turn it into doing something for someone else. I also really enjoy doing my own laundry – from machine-wash to iron-folded. There is a tremendous joy I derive from wearing a fragrant garment, laundered by myself!

Something I don't want to do. There is no heroism attached to this assignment. It has covered things like vacuuming the bed-bugs from my mattress to detailing the grease off the under-carriage of the car. Some of the worst include tidying up the bathroom ‘airing’ cupboard (very little of its content required airing – more like chucking), cleaning the leaves from the garage roof and gutters to shaving, or at least, trimming my beard… self-manicures and pedicures, hair treatments, eye-brow, ear and nose hair plucking sort of cover a lot of this aspect… lol

Physical exercise. Surprisingly I have taken to walking quite well. I enjoy the walks to the shops, or to familial or friends’ houses for a visit. Most times I walk alone, and the perambulatory solitude leaves much time for meditation and reflection. However, I must endeavour to start a gym programme. I don’t feel too bad though, the odd jobs and help I give to neighbours and family also lends me to quite a bit of physical activity. And yes, taking the on-going chores around my home into account as well, this has become a daily exercise.

Mental exercise. The "mental exercise" was also challenging. I have neglected reading for too long. Bible readings, I decided were more suited for the ‘original prayer’ facet. I decided on poetry. Emily Dickinson’s works sent me into orbit - "I dwell in possibility," wrote Emily. Marvellous words. To blog and post my social network updates on-line, I do quite a bit of reading (book and internet), always with a view to finding some gem of wisdom to share. Biographies, anecdotes and quotations are my favourite sources - if not for onward sharing; then just to ‘feed’ my own soul.

To my surprise, I had trouble with No 6…

Original Prayer did not come as easily as I had presumed. My utterings always felt contrived and empty. I can't concentrate in church, I find myself appraising the people’s outfits. Eventually I discovered a solution: when I sit in solitude on a rock, or rise, overlook­ing God’s natural beauty, I can pray. I ask the Lord to help me bloom where I am planted, and then I count my blessings, always beginning with my family and good friends, with­out whom I would be alone and lost.

We are all involved, actors and victims alike, we all need to become aware that we all fight the battle against darkness. It will prove worthwhile to heed the following wise words: "I alone can take the initiative to escape from 'the sarcophagus of self.” - The sarcophagus of self. Beware not to become buried in your own ego. Sometimes the thing you dread doing is the very thing you should do, just so you can stop thinking about it.

The prayer assignment is the most helpful of all. I strive now to make up a short prayer every day, and I always include some thanksgiving in it. Writing a prayer isn't always easy, but it's a valuable spiritual discipline. I don't always have a meditation rock, but I do have a few special places where I can attend to that inner voice.

I don't worry how well I fulfill the six rules, as long as I do them daily. I will give myself credit for just one letter written, or one drawer cleaned out, and it's surprising how good feelings about a small accomplishment often en­able me to go on and do more.

Can life be lived by a formula? All I know is that since I started to live by those six precepts, I've be­come more involved with others and, hence, less "buried" in myself. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I have adopted the motto: "Bloom where you are planted."

I do not think of the ‘lost’ person that often (what or who she is doing now is too painful to imagine), I think of a lost ‘us’ – what could have been; and in my best moments, ‘what still might be!’

Love you ~ Stafford

Mind your Manners...

Over the years I have encountered and heard about people with every kind of trouble under the sun; and it has left me with one clear conviction: in case after case, the difficulty could have been overcome, or might never have arisen, if the men and women involved had only treated each other with common courtesy.

Courtesy, politeness, good manners - call it what you will, in our hectic society the supply never seems to equal the demand. Human beings everywhere hunger for courtesy, and are repelled by the lack of it. As quoted by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Good manners are the happy way of doing things.” And the reverse is equally true: bad manners can ruin a day - or wreck a friendship.

Most of us, I think, have the uneasy feeling that “common courtesy” was much more common in Emerson’s day than it is in ours. Why should this be so? One explanation is that courtesy isn’t emphasized and enforced the way it was a century or even a generation ago. “Mind your manners,” my mother used to caution us as children whenever we were invited anywhere. There is a simple difference between manners and morals - your morals aren’t always showing; your manners are.

Good manners are a reflection of inner strength and assurance. Indeed, they promote such assurance by eliminating hostility and suspicion. “If we treat people long enough with that pretended liking called politeness,” a wise man has said, “we shall find it hard not to genuinely like them in the end.” If courtesy is such an asset, why is it so uncommon? The blunt reason is that we’re all born self-centred. Good manners require us to place other people’s needs on a level with our own - and learning to do this consistently can be a slow and painful process.

What are the basic ingredients of good manners? Certainly a sense of justice is one; in fact, courtesy very often is nothing more than a highly developed concept of fair play. The story is told of a man driving along a narrow, mountain dirt road. Ahead was another car that produced clouds of choking dust. It was a long way to the tarred highway. Suddenly, the car ahead pulled off the road. The man stopped and asked if anything was wrong. “No,” said the other driver, “but you’ve endured my dust this far; I’ll put up with yours the rest of the way.” This was unexpected, heartening courtesy.

Another ingredient of good manners is modesty. Any attempt to claim special credit for yourself is a departure from true politeness. Implicit in the exhortation to “mind your manners” is the inescapable fact that no one else can mind them for you. The problem is yours, and it lasts a lifetime because no one’s manners are ever perfect. Still, anyone can improve his or her manners by doing three things:

First, by practising courtesy. One simple way is to concentrate on your performance in a specific area for a day or even a week. Telephone manners, for example: how often do you speak abruptly, talk too long, keep people waiting, and fail to identify yourself? What about books on loan you haven’t returned, invitations you haven’t answered, casual promises you haven’t kept?

Second, by thinking courtesy. If your thoughts are predominantly self-directed, a discourteous and selfish person is what you will be. If you train yourself to be considerate, if you can acquire the habit of ‘identifying’ with the problems and hopes and fears of other people, good manners will follow almost automatically.

Nowhere is “thinking” courtesy more important than in a romantic/loving relationship. Novelist Arnold Bennett used to lament in his bachelor days that whenever two of his friends got married the “death of politeness” seemed to follow. Why does this happen? One reason, no doubt, is the very human (albeit erroneous) feeling that we don’t always have to be on our best behaviour with a loved one. Another is that in the intimacy of the home, where masks can be discarded, it is easy to take out frustration or anger on the handiest person - all too often a partner. The only remedy is to train yourself to “think” courtesy until it becomes a habit. When you find your anger getting out of control, force yourself for the next ten minutes to treat your partner as if he or she were a guest in your home. The theory is that if a pair can just impose ten minutes of good manners on themselves, the worst of the storm will blow over.

Finally, you can improve your manners by accepting courtesy, receiving it gladly, and rejoicing when it comes your way. Strangely, some people are suspicious of gracious treatment. They feel uneasy if kindness seems to come to them with no strings attached. But some of the most precious gifts in life come this way. You can’t buy a sunset, or earn the song of a bird. These are God’s courtesies to us, offered with love and no thought of reward or return. Good manners are, or should be, like that.

In the end, it all comes down to how you regard people - not just people in general but individuals. Indeed, politeness is The Golden Rule in action.

 A nice additional beatitude might be this: Blessed are the courteous. Thank you for reading. Please come back again sometime. You're welcome! ~ Stafford

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” -2 Chronicles 7:14 

Speak... speech... talk... I'm listening

There’s a lot more to language than meets the eye. Take the word admiral, for instance. Who would imagine that its direct ancestor wore baggy trousers and a jewelled turban and lolled around on divans gobbling Turkish delight? Yet such is the case, for the English word admiral descends, via Old French, from the Arabic word amir, meaning “commander.”

Words travel as tirelessly as people. They travel in the knapsacks of armies or in the manuals of computer salesmen. They travel with missionaries and refugees, with troubadours and film makers. They cross oceans, jump ship and settle in foreign lands.

English has had the most spectacular success, both as a globetrotter and as a haven for travel—stained visitors. Unlike Latin - derived tongues such as French, Spanish or Italian, with more rigid grammatical rules and a reluctance to borrow from others, Anglo-Saxon (or English) has long had wide-open immigration policies. It emerged from the Norman Conquest bare of frills and grammatical niceties - and ravenously hungry for new means of expression. And in gobbling up words from every source, English gave them a new vigour.

Consider how gusto, a modest Italian settler meaning “taste,” took on its present hearty, lip-smacking, beer-drinking personality. Morsel, which means a delectable tit-bit, owes its parentage to the French morcel, meaning simply “piece.” The ancestor of knight was the lowly German Knecht, or “man-at- arms,” who trailed a humble spear behind the blue-blood, the mounted Ritter, or “rider.” Somehow Knecht muscled its way to new social status once it reached English shores.

English is better equipped than most other languages to assimilate foreign words because of its loose, half-breed structure: one of its parents is Germanic (via Old English), the other Latin (largely via the church and Norman French).

Like humans, words go in for reverse migrations, returning to the mother country often so transformed that they are not even recognized as native sons. Such a word is pedigree, long an English citizen but transplanted to France and pronounced peh-dee-gray. Few French-speakers realize that this seemingly alien word is as French as bouillabaisse. In medieval genealogical tables the accepted shorthand for “begat” was the mark > (as in “John and Mary Smith > Peter Smith”). The mark was known as pie de grue, or “crane’s foot,” and over the years English accents chipped away at the French expression until it had acquired its present shape and sound. When it travelled back to France in the nineteenth century, the word pedigree was accepted by the French as a term coined by foreigners obsessed with bloodlines of the landed gentry, of racehorses and of retrievers.

Largely for reasons of national pride, the French often try mightily to deport foreign words. If that fails, they attempt native replacements. The French Academy, a distinguished body that holds itself responsible for maintaining the chastity of the national tongue, labours untiringly towards this goal, coming up with such unhappy coinages as fin de seinaine (“end of week”) as an attempt to dislodge the unspeakably foreign weekend. Alas, it’s an uphill struggle for the French, partly because many of today’s new words come from space, computers and other areas of advanced technology dominated by experts speaking English, Russian and Japanese. Generally, though, efforts to repel foreign boarders just don’t work. For example, know-how (as in le know-how technologique) is now solidly entrenched in France. And when confronted with brinkmanship, coined to describe the foreign-policy philosophy of US Secretary of State John Foster Dulles, an exhausted French Academy threw up its-collective hands. The language just didn’t have that kind of shorthand capacity; its solution? Highly indigestible La politique du bord du gouffre, literally “the politics of the border of the gulf.” Phew!

Perhaps the last word should be left to the Italians. What was the smooth-flowing Italian language to make of the hideously barbaric Shakespearean? That tweedy sh, those baggy diphthongs, that spiky k. Mamma mia! An impossible dilemma? Not -to the Italians A snip-snip here and there, a discreet consignment of that hideous k to the rubbish bin, and presto! The gawky tourist easily became a lithe Italian - scespiriano, pronounced shess-pirr-eeAH-no. Yet another foreign invader had succumbed to Italy’s beguiling and civilizing charm. (J. Leggatt)

Just so, I think all languages are wonderful tools; essential to getting the world to be as one – and if all else fails the universal language of LOVE is always an unfailing stalwart… ~ Stafford

A sporting chance...

I believe it is only fair to give ample warning to one's opponents and ill-wishers; when you become aware that they have embarked upon a path, decision or action bound to their ultimate demise. After all, it is the Godly thing to do. The misguided together with the wicked are in the end their own worse enemies and cause their own downfall.

Now why should I not just sit back and relish the plight of such wretched beings?

That is not the way I was brought up. In our home, we were taught to forgive immediately; forgetting was however all up to you. If you felt OK living in fear and dread of what might or maybe repeated by that entity upon you, was a personal matter between your peace (God's grace over you life) and the trappings, ego and arrogant vanity of your lifestyle and troubled mind - the twisted entanglement of misnomers that govern your being and all those it effects through and around you.

It is certainly not the ground my relationship and lifestyle in God teaches me to embrace. I would be remiss in not issuing a warning shot to all parties; direct, peripheral or complicit; busy fervently monitoring, beckoning and promoting the expectation of a fall from grace of another. You are entering a world of uncanny misfortune and endless dilemmas that will haunt you until you fall down, humble yourself, and beg relief. Not from me, or any other mortal; but from our Protector and Saviour.

I am compelled by my convictions to offer you this forbode as you seek to trample on any person.
Let us call this one of my testominies...

All through my almost 50 years on this earth I have been the recipient of divine guidance and miraculous good luck (as secular deviants and scorning scoffers would term it). The guidance was usually in the form of my parents (my late father more specifically) and other unique individuals (Guardian Angels) who inspire and show me the righteous way to do, allow and accept. (Understanding is over-rated, any enlightened true Follower would know that everything has a reason) - even a 'persecution' inflicted on me, has its reason - and I'm elated to say that I rarely understand it; but I know its end result will further my education of its initial absurdity; as well as that of its purpertrators - ironic - and even exciting...

When a Child of God is attacked by slander and his entire being is judged by his moments of unworthy passion and uncharacteristic behaviour, at these times I have noticed how I become the recipient of some real awesome divine favour. I simply hand it over into God's hands and He does the rest - he actually instructs me to sit back and watch.

It is indeed sad that at times I have to allow even those close to my heart to suffer this divine wrath that they have brought on themselves. It pains me to see the turmoil and grief they have to endure and come to terms with as their lives, self-worth, material gains and fickle, inflated status is trampled into the ground like so much dirt. How they begin to fail in all they pursue, how they are made to prosper; only to have that accomplshment and so much more ripped out from under and within - and this also applies to those who championed them on their woeful path and sadly even loved-ones have to bear the brunt of their sinful actions. If you are amongst these you are jointly liable to experience very many hards times - just watch; and I pray you be extremely cognisant of the signs that will manifest very soon.

No one has the power to stop the inflictions that follow - it is ordained. We serve a jealous and almighty God who will not stand idle while His own are accused, ridiculed and mistreated for longer than they can endure. He will and has stepped in - I can relate horror stories (many personal) that bear witness to His promise to love and keep His nearest and dearest in top form as they prepare themselves for an eternity with him. So many stories of how He smites those who overstep their self-imposed earthly duties, clutter themselves with self-importance, and ignore His purposes - (some even feign; and fool themselves into believing that they are doing His will - these are the worst of the lot, for their hearts are black and their souls are dead and primed for damnation)

Be warned of the Divine Favour that exists in these words... You will have only yourself to blame.  I still love you all and implore you to consider very carefully the road and box you deem necessary to open. Lord have mercy ~ Stafford

I often said you didn't exist 

Because my eyes wouldn't see

I may have given up on you Lord

But you never gave up on me 

When troubles happened in my life 

I would hang my head and cry

You let these things happen to me 

And at times I wondered why 

I was quick to say if there was a GOD

He wouldn't let these happen to me 

I may have given up on you Lord 

But you never gave up on Me 

At many times during my life 

When the troubles were hard to bear

I forgot the teachings of my youth

And said you were not there

I've heard your word again dear Lord

And my eyes they finally see

I thank you for every day of my life 

That you never gave up on me .

Happy Valentine's Day...

X X X X X X X

M u a h !

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. - John 13:34-35

“Love is a serious mental disease.”

At least that’s how Plato put it. And while anyone who’s ever been ‘in love’ might see some truth to this statement, there is a critical mistake made here. Love is not a mental disease. Desire however is.
If being ‘in love’ means our lives are in pieces and we are completely broken, miserable, utterly consumed, hardly able to function, and willing to sacrifice everything, chances are it’s not love. Despite what we are taught in popular culture, true love is not supposed to make us like drug addicts. And so, contrary to what we’ve grown up watching in movies, that type of all-consuming obsession is not love, it is the manifestation of one’s lower, vain desires and lusts. - (credit to original writer)

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a  faithfull relationship can never grow in a jealous heart. 

Reputable Prayer

It is only in recent years that I have been enlightened to the benefits of preparing myself for prayer. To first think about what I have to, need to, pray about – to get clear in my mind what is worthwhile to declare before GOD and what I truly desire of  Him to undertake on my behalf; and what to relieve me from. This in no way infringes upon the little prayers I need to utter throughout my day; in fact it is a summary of all those; and most times fills the thanksgiving aspect of my big prayer. God hears and addresses them all anyway!

Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made a burden. – Corrie ten Boom

I find the ‘big prayer’ more suited for early morning (before the start of my day) – the preparation the night before; and the slim-lining thereof as I drift off to sleep – when most of us I guess utter a ‘little prayer’ for deliverance to the next day?

This is no different from the notes (mental and/or written) I would/should prep for a business meeting, a speech, etc; or even a date. It is indeed prudent to be mindful, when communicating with God, that He already has my answer before I pose my question, even before I request His favour on some issue; He has already probably manifested and shown me this answer by what has already happened in my life; or what has failed to happen. I amazingly understand better my troubles and ambitions; and I am able to prioritise my prayers; truthfully even abandon some petty and unnecessary ones. Clarity…

In truth the preparation for prayer; I reckon I should view it as divine meditation; holds the crux to a successful meeting / audience with God. I almost never walk away with an unanswered question or without a new idea about how to approach my dilemmas – a new sense of hope has emerged and any emptiness of knowledge (the way forward) has been filled.

Almighty God, unto Whom all hearts be open, all desires known, and from Whom no secrets are hid; cleanse the thoughts of our hearts (the true mind) by the inspiration of Your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love You and worthily magnify Your Holy Name – through Christ our Lord, Amen.

I pray that God may bless and enhance your day ~ SB

Whatever is begun in anger - ends in shame. – Benjamin Franklin


Anger is fear manifested - and ultimately leads to hate - which leads to my ultimate demise... - Lord have mercy, Stafford

I surrender... Lord I give it all to You

What if you found out that all you knew in life was not as it seemed? That there was so much magic on this earth that you had not tapped into yet? That you are living a limited potential when you are indeed potentially limitless. Go seek, find and discover...






God has promised to restore us from all pains of the past, broken relationships, struggles from defeat and frustrations of life. All the times we felt broken beyond repair, God has promised to restore.









God is in the business of restoring His children into beautiful works of His holiness. If you, or someone in your life has wandered from the faith and felt the abandonment of friends and family, go to that person today and encourage him/her/yourself in the love of Jesus. God wants to restore us in order to be ready for the Blessings set out for us...

The final nail...

When a man is going downhill, everybody will give him a push...

And most times it's those he loves best...

"Take care. u r always in my prayers."

And graciously God reaches out His hand to the broken and downtrodden - we just have to ask ~Sammybear

Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details- give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for grace enough to listen to the tales of others' pains. Help me to endure them with patience. But seal my lips on my own aches and pains- as they increase and my love of rehearsing them becomes sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And, give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With the wisdom I consider to have collected, it seems a pity not to use it all- but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Amen

I'm so glad I didn't have to share this with my Dad...

Though I'll never make it alone...

‎"If you find from your own experience that something is a fact and it contradicts what some authority has written down, then you must abandon the authority and base your reasoning on your own findings." - Leonardo da Vinci

Sometimes... God breaks our spirit to save your soul. God breaks our heart to make us whole. God allows pain so we can be stronger. God sends us failure so we can be humble. God allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves. God takes everything away from us, so that we can learn the value of everything HE gave us... Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace...


With a little help from my family and friends... the possibilities are eternal! I cannot do it alone ~ SB

Family is family

Family is family: You argue, you fight, you stop talking at times, but the truth is the love is always there. Love your family with all your heart because you will never know when they will be gone & you will never get to apologize or say goodbye. Always remember what FAMILY stands for: 

Forever Always Mine, I Love You.

And Family doesn't require a bloodline...

Love you guys, always ~SB

In remembrance...

My Dad, Malcolm Ian Lakay passed away 11 years ago today, 14th January 2001.

Born 23 July 1930 his 70 years included time to teach me the right way of doing and living; and also the goodness to lend a helping hand to everyone he encountered.

Those kindnesses he showed to a select special few were quickly forgotten as deserved acts it seems - I hope I  am never in a position to be accused of such ingratitude - and I pray that the ability and fortitude to pass it forward - no matter how worthy I may think the cost - will endure... ~ SB

Self-Hypnosis

According to numerous research reports, many people have been able to use self-hypnosis to relieve anxiety, overcome fears, control overeating, stop smoking and conquer insomnia Research studies also show self- hypnosis can be an effective treatment for many ailments in which tension and anxiety are factors: asthma, colitis, frigidity and impotence, migraine and high blood pressure, for instance. But authorities warn that it should not be relied on to take the place of medical treatment for serious physical illnesses, and it should not be used to explore deep emotional disturbances unless it is under professional supervision.

To many people, self-hypnosis sounds impossible - but only because their view of hypnosis is incorrect. They think of hypnosis as a process in which a hypnotist, using special skills and powers, forces his subject to fall into a sleep - like trance and to become obedient to his commands. Actually, you have to be willing to enter the trance - it can’t be forced on you. Hypnosis isn’t something a hypnotist does to you. You do it to yourself.

By using such techniques as having the subject stare at one point and telling him to relax one group of muscles after another, the hypnotist helps the subject slip into a “trance,” in which he becomes open to certain kinds of suggestions. The trance is achieved by focusing one’s attention to the point where all distracting thoughts and physical sensations are excluded. It is not unconsciousness and not sleep, but much like the condition you fall into when you are so absorbed in what you are reading or working on that you fail to hear someone when they speak to you.

Once in the trance state, you’re able to ignore most of the messages of your body and mind, and thereby become receptive to certain ideas. Suggestions aimed at enabling you to achieve specific goals enter into your preconscious or unconscious mind and remain active there, influencing your behaviour and feelings.

But in every case you must want to carry out the suggestion. If you don’t really want to kick the smoking habit, for example, hypnosis won’t help. Self-hypnosis is very different from telling yourself in a normal (non - trance) state of mind, “Don’t be afraid” or “Stop feeling hungry.” Such self-given commands rarely succeed. Self-hypnosis puts far more powerful mental forces - those of the unconscious - to work. The suggestions you make to yourself in self-hypnosis have much the same power as skills or habits - like riding a bicycle or driving a car - which you’ve learnt thoroughly. You perform such acts automatically without having to think or exercise willpower.

The chances are good that you can learn self-hypnosis. According to experts, a minority of people is gifted at it - they tend to be imaginative and good at daydreaming. A minority can’t do it at all. But most people are somewhere in between and should be able to achieve a degree of self-hypnosis.

(While hypnosis is basically benign, some experts believe that a therapist should be consulted before self-hypnosis is attempted.)

1. Induction. There are many techniques for getting into or “inducing” a trance. Here’s one made up of elements common to many time-tested systems. You can use it either by sound recording instructions and playing it, or by inwardly telling yourself what to do:

In a quiet, softly lit room, sit comfortably in a chair with your hands on your lap. Tell yourself that at any time, if you need to come out of your trance, you will be able to do so by counting from one to five.

Pick some point at eye level or a little above it; stare steadily at that spot. Take a deep breath; hold it and tense your whole body, especially your hands; then slowly let the breath out and relax your muscles. Do it all a second time.

Begin to count backwards very slowly from 300; if you lose your place, start anywhere or go back. While counting, tell yourself to relax your feet - concentrate on them, feel them becoming limp. Slowly continue upwards, relaxing your ankles, calves, thighs, buttocks, abdomen, chest, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, face (your eyelids should grow heavier and heavier, and close; your head should fall gently forward).

Stop counting and tell yourself that now you are totally relaxed, in a trance, ready to proceed.

2. Deepening. Most hypnotists teach students to deepen the trance by a shift in the technique. Some advocate repeating a single word or number to yourself while seeing it in your mind’s eye. Others recommend imagining a scene that will give you a sense of peace and detachment. For example:

Imagine yourself in the open centre of a modern building, surrounded by shops and people. You get on an escalator moving down and feel yourself slowly sinking to the next floor, where it is quieter, the lights are softer and no-one else is around. You drift; you sink, and down you go deeper, until finally you are as deep as you wish to be.

3. Suggestion. In this stage, you make suggestions to yourself. You may repeat your goal in words, or tell yourself things you know are true but which you have been unable to live by or face. Or you may visualize yourself, as vividly as possible, looking and acting as you want to look and act. Here’s how self-suggestion might work for someone trying to lose weight:

Imagine looking in a mirror, seeing and admiring a new, trim you. Tell yourself. “I will feel more energetic as I come closer to my ideal weight. I will feel no hunger after I have had enough for my body’s real needs. I will be pleased with the way I look and proud to be in control of my life.”

4. Coming out. Although it is unlikely that you’ll have trouble coming out of the trance, most experts advise you to tell yourself, in advance, how you will come out. If you’re not using a sound recording, you may want to set a clock or timer to remind you to come out in case you fall asleep. Here’s one method:

“As I count slowly from one to five, I’m going to come out of my trance refreshed, alert and able to do what I set out to do. One, I feel my body beginning to regain muscle tone. Two, I’m becoming aware of sounds around me. Three, my head is coming up. Four, I’m feeling more and more alert. Five, I’m opening my eyes, feeling fine.”

The first few times you go through this procedure, with or without a recording prompt, you may feel that it didn’t work very well. But inducing trance in yourself is a skill that takes patience and a lot of regular practice. If it didn’t, I’d be a whole new self by now…

I've got a list of things I want to achieve, acquire and improve upon. By next year, I hope the people who know me will be saying about me - about the way I look, converse, dance, run, romance, or whatever – ‘Amazing! - However did you do it?’ -  Prayer, Faith and Love of God - with a healthy dollop of self-hypnosis…

DOGGEDNESS - a warrior's virtue (repost)

I sat down to write this commentary, prompted by a carcass of a dead dog, lying by the side of the road...

On returning from a walk this morning, I happened upon the form of a huge Alsatian dog, lying at the foot of the railway bridge I had crossed earlier. The dog must have just been knocked over by a speeding motorist, (I had not seen the body on my outward passing) because it was still quite warm (I sort of checked; its eyes were open and glazed over; and I presumed that it was just exhausted) but the blood trickling from its mouth was the give away. The beautiful, wretched creature was dead. Its handsome thick coat of fur (typical of the breed), glistening in the struggling, morning sun. But he was gone from this world.

I lamented the poor beast's passing with a quick prayer, and wished its life force a good journey, to wherever it is that animal souls go.

What struck me was the irreverent apathy everyone else showed toward the situation. A large dog lying dead along a public walkway is unusual, isn't it? Yet no one else even seemed to acknowledge its presence. It was there as large as life, but recognition of its physical being was only a show of indifference.

It is the same with many of us. We are magnificent creations of God, going about our business of life; yet unseen (and sometimes even happy for that). The troubles of our personal world make us oblivious to our real essence; we start to marginalise our purposes and accept our duty as the core of our being. We begin to just exist, not to live!

Pursue your dreams with dogged determination...

Change the course of your life today. You are worth it. You are loved...

~ SB