Salty Coffee

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she went along.

They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home... Suddenly he asked the waiter: “Would you please give me some salt? I’d like to put it in my coffee.”

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously: why do you have this quirk?

He replied: “When I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea , just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there”. While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That’s his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can talk about his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date...

She found that actually he was a man who met all her demands; he had tolerance, was kindhearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married the prince, and they lived a happy life… And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that’s the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, and left her a letter which said: “My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life held a lie. This was the only lie I told you - the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was embarrassing for me to change, so I just went ahead and continued with it. I never dreamed that it would be the start of our communication.

I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I had promised not to lie to you about anything. Now I’m dying, and unafraid of nothing, so I tell you the truth: I don’t like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste... But I have had the salty coffee my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness in my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still I would want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again”.

Her tears made the letter totally wet. One day, someone asked her: "What’s the taste of salty coffee?"

"It’s sweet.", she replied...

What's your excuse...?

Years ago, when people would tell me about their problems coping with life, I'd consider the unconscious motivations for their behaviour. You know, associations such as: "Your father abandoned you at a young age, and of course you'd be scared to trust men. That explains your promiscuity."

Neat package. Too neat. I was bothered by the notion that a bad experience in the past is the cause of all a person's present problems. I also worry about just how much blaming something in the past keeps people stuck and feeling like victims.

An acquaintance shared with me that at the age of 25 she is leaving her second marriage. I ask, "At what point did you know that husband No. 1 was violent and husband No. 2 was on drugs?"
"I suppose before I married" was her surprisingly frank answer. "My parents were divorced, and my brother died," she explains. "I was upset."
Her answer to being "upset" was to walk through the first two doors available. Now she is single with three children from two attempts to bury her emotional pain.

The modern-day "out" or excuse for such behaviours is generally psychological: "Considering my hurts, disappointments and traumas, I can't be responsible for the havoc I wreak in the lives of others or the mess I've made of my own life." Puhleeese...!!!

Does anyone really believe that only those people graced with great genetics, perfect parentage and ideal social conditions can - and will - behave with character, courage and conscience? Does anyone really believe that laziness and gutlessness are products only of some form of psychoneurosis? Nonsense.

Call me insensitive, but I believe that even with bad stuff in your past, you have choices. Everyone must overcome something. That simply is life. Of course, the typical rejoinder is "How dare you blame the victim for his unhappiness?" But there is a big difference between blaming the victim and trying to get across the fact that it is within his power to gather courage and move on. It seems nobody is acknowledged to have free will or responsibility any more; we have become a society of excuses and victims. Victimization is today's promised land of absolution from personal responsibility.

A comic strip shows two vagrants sitting on a wall and conversing. One says to the other, "Do you believe in fate?" The other replies, "Sure. I'd hate to think I turned out like this because of something I had control over!" - rings true, eh?

After listening to people's stories over the years, I have come to the conclusion that the path to healthy relationships and self-respect starts with the decision to do the right thing.

Another friend related her story to me about her repeated childhood molestations by both a stranger and a family friend, her parents' divorce when she was six, and the poverty that kept her from attending university. "Under these conditions I could have a become a 'victim,' " she concluded. "But I chose to change my circumstances through hard work and perseverance.
"While some of my decisions were indirectly related to what happened in my childhood, I'm still responsible for the choices I made. Once we decide to make the best of whatever our situation is, we will be better people, and the world will be a better place in which to live."

Acknowledging that you are responsible for messing up your own life is admittedly very upsetting.
But it is that very acknowledgment that gives you the power to change things.

The young son of a close friend was on drugs for eight years. "I took anything," he admitted. Why? "To have fun with my friends. It was a blast. I just liked it."
Today he is drug-free. "I had some long-range goals, and they just weren't panning out," he told me. "I tried changing jobs, friends, love relationships, and still wasn't getting anywhere. Then I realized that I was the constant in the equation, and the constant was that I was using drugs."
He decided to confront a bad habit and kick it. He wasn't diseased. He wasn't a victim.

Uncertainty. Loss. Lonesomeness. Conflict. Sometimes life seems a like a huge maze, an obstacle course, a trial by fire, even a bad joke with you as the subject. I don't believe for a minute that everything that happens to you is your doing or your fault. But I do believe that the ultimate quality of your life and your happiness is determined by your courageous and ethical choices and your overall attitude.

You may get some bad bricks and weak steel, but you are still the general contractor. What do you want to do? Fake it? Bemoan it? Change the plans? Wait for better parts?

As a friend said to me very recently, "The more time we spend blaming our circumstances on others, the more time we waste, because while we were blaming, we could've been doing."

God bless y'all - (thank you to LAURA for the original content and train of thought)

FLAWLESS CHANGE...

'The more things change, the more they stay the same' - I'm not sure who's the first person who said that; but it's a sentence that somewhat explains our tragic flaw; our inability (or fear) to change.

The more you get to know people you realise its kind of everyone's flaw; staying exactly the same, for as long as possible. Standing perfectly still feels better, safer somehow; and if you're suffering at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected, who knows what other pain might be waiting out there; chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status-quo - you choose the road already travelled, and it doesn't seem that bad; not as far as flaws go... you're not a hopeless addict, you're not killing anyone - except maybe yourself a little, bit by tiny bit.

When you finally do change, it doesn't happen as an earthquake or massive explosion, nor are you all of a sudden this totally different person; it's smaller than that. It's the kind of thing most people won't even notice; unless they looked really, really close - which, thank GOD, they hardly ever do! But you notice it, inside you, that change feels like a world of difference (and you hope that it is); that this is the person you get to be forever, that you never have to change again...

HOW - is always blurry...

She may be the face I can't forget

The trace of pleasure or regret

May be my treasure; or the price I have to pay

She may be the song that summer sings

May be the chill that autumn brings

May be a hundred different things

Within the measure of a day

She may be the beauty or the beast

May be the famine or the feast

May turn each day into a Heaven or a Hell

She may be the mirror of my dreams

A smile reflected in a stream

She may not be what she may seem

Inside her shell

She, who always seems so happy in a crowd,

Whose eyes can be so private and so proud

No one's allowed to see them when they cry

She may be the love that cannot hope to last

May come to leap from shadows in the past

That I’ll remember 'til the day I die

She may be the reason I survive

The why and wherefore I'm alive

The one I’ll care for through the rough and ready years

Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears

And make them all my souvenirs

And where she goes I've got to be

The meaning of my life is She...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRxVkt9Eg9o

This is for the broken hearted...

How how do I honour THIS challenge..?

"I also feel that it shouldn’t be my choice to come back to you (again). After the first time when you had the courage to approach me and started our relationship, every other time I have initiated the contact. The two occasions when I made contact with you again after we broke up – my sense was that you didn’t want to be with me enough to give up whatever else made you give me up and that you were still holding onto (was it fear?). And this time round again I was the one to initiate contact, and am having to do the work and make the sacrifices to see you.
So I am putting it back into your court again. If you really want to be with me this time – you do the work in separating from or conquering whatever it is you need to, so that you can come into your full personal power. And come to me as a man who is seeking to be a ‘’king, warrior, magician and lover’’ so that I can be your queen, and we can build a mature relationship.  I am not perfect by any means, and I realize that we are work in progress and that in a relationship we will continue to heal each other with our love. But there are some things which I feel you need to address before we can even get started.
You are the one I want to be with, and I am not going anywhere with anyone else. If you are prepared to do the work, you’ll know where to find me when you are ready to."

When answers aren't forthcoming, it is our human nature to 'conjure' up some sort of answer to make sense of it all. This may help us to move on, and is helpful in that way; but what if our 'educated' opinion should prove to be be untrue? Is it wise to carry on in pretense of acceptance of that potential lie? And most of the time we include that underlying fabrication into our 'freedom' from the past. Surely the blatant and glaring wrong in this can only manufacture a false reality? How wholesome can this be...?

It's hard to let go when we don't know why they're gone. It's natural to want an explanation, an understanding, something that puts their leaving into perspective.
It's hard to move on when there is nothing but silence, or worse, a strangely formal way of relating, as though you made the whole thing up.

But we can't put our lives on hold, waiting for an answer that may never come. Maybe they will tell us one day, or maybe they will never understand it themselves. It isn't that important. What is important is that we don't abandon ourselves in the heart of loss.
That we don't make another's presence more important than our own.
That we don't lock ourselves in a prison of our own making, waiting for an external liberator to set us free.
If they have left, we have to leave too. We have to let the pain through the holes they left behind so it can find its ultimate destination.

 Because we have so much left to do. Our precious life waits on no one...

I know how you feel. Perhaps like I once felt; empty, betrayed with no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that is there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who sees. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that it’s not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you think of or imagine you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this...

From all the responses I'm getting to recent updates, on various social media platforms, I thought I'd share my feelings over a romantic heartbreak... I just told a friend recently how I'm surrendering it into God's hands bit by bit. And I ask myself, 'why don't you just let it go in one heap, why not give it all to Jesus?' - I reckon it's a personal choice; a battle with the ego - even though it hurts I want to hold on to parts of it I'm afraid I'll forget forever - parts that make me what, and who, I am right now... but I'm getting there - pray for me... Here goes:

I sit here and think about everything that happened in the recent past and not a single tear runs down my cheek. Maybe it’s because I'm too hurt to cry, or maybe I'm just too mad at you. Maybe just maybe it’s my heart's way of telling me this isn't over yet. What do you do when the only person who can stop your tears is the one making you cry? I'd like to think I'll be happy again, but I really need to just stop and cry now, and sometimes I wish I could just scream at you, and show you what you did to me. And even though you lied, and even though you pretended to care I can't seem to get you out of my mind and even though it seems like I should be over you, with every tear that falls, it reminds me of how much I am still in love with you.

You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes? Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me... when you come back...when you need me again... I'll be here... right here waiting for you; I'll take you back... no questions asked. Sad isn't it?

So... from now on... when you think of me... just remember that I could've been the best thing you ever had. You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool? You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said 'nothing', when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... 'Everything is'. I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped. While I was holding on all you did was let go.

I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have. There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime. Somehow I know we'll meet again, not quite sure where and not sure when, you're in my heart until then.

I've been lying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes I do think about you, every now and then. I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I didn't ask for it to begin. For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have theirs sunsets.

It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go but it’s even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to stay. In love you find the oddest combinations; materialistic people find themselves in love with idealists; clingers fall in love with players; home bodies capture and try to smother butterflies. If it wasn't so serious we could laugh at it.

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mending whole was good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best; and try to mend it and see the broken places. Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand, and falling in love. You'll learn kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken just as easily as they were made, and as hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are forever. Life doesn't hurt until you have time to yourself to think about how things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it is your fault. If you don't love me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best.

Make me stay. Say something sweet and tender and untrue and make me stay. Or otherwise tell me directly why I have to go. The hardest thing about knowing you don't love me is that you spent so much time pretending that you did. Sometimes - no matter how long or how much you love someone, they will never love you back and somehow you have to learn to be okay with that. If you’re gonna make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears. How could you make me love you and then not be there to love me back..?

Self-respect

Your Needs - It isn’t selfish to take care of your needs; it is essential. You are instructed to put the oxygen
mask on yourself first on a plane. Likewise, you take care of yourself so that you will have something to give to others in a healthy way. It is easy to neglect your needs in difficult relationships because others often pressure you to put them first, but if you don’t honor yourself by taking care of your needs, you are not respecting yourself.

Your Boundaries – Difficult people don’t like boundaries and will push you to change them for their own selfish interest. Your boundaries define what is and isn’t acceptable for you. When you allow things to violate your boundaries, you are disrespecting yourself because you are living in a way that violates your standards. Figure out what your limits are, and then respect yourself by standing firm in them.

Your Opinions – Remember, just because someone says it doesn’t make it so. Don’t discount your thoughts and beliefs because other people disagree with you. Your opinions are just that – yours. It doesn’t make them wrong when someone believes differently. It is tempting to give in to the pressure in difficult relationships to conform yourself to others’ perceptions and beliefs, but you need to resist it to be true to yourself.

Your Feelings – It is tempting to judge your feelings as right or wrong, but your feelings are simply there to teach you about how you are being affected by the people in your life so you can make decisions that value yourself. It is tempting to discount them and deny them. Instead, let yourself feel all your emotions, pay attention to them, and let them teach you about yourself.

Your Talents – God gave you your gifts and talents and expects you to do something with them. Don’t neglect them to take care of others or minimize them by deciding they are unimportant; instead, work on accepting yourself just as God made you rather than putting yourself down and comparing yourself to others. And figure out how to fulfill the purpose that God made you for by using your talents wisely.

Respecting yourself is important because if you don’t respect yourself, others won’t either.

Pray with me...

Dear Lord God,
Help me live in a way that honours who You made me to be and conduct myself in a way that is self-respecting.

Amen

Fear - the controller...

What if that one person in your life right now that you're not feeling so much love for, was also the one person in your life right now for whom you could make the greatest difference?

Deal with Your Fear of Honesty - “Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” ~James 5:16

If you want relief and release from the hurts, habits, and hang-ups in your life, you’re going to have to deal with the fear of honesty that you’ve got in your life. Honesty deals with some of the most common fears that Satan uses to keep you stuck in your rut and afraid to face the truth -

The fear of your own emotions - You’re afraid that if you deal with that issue, memory, event, sin, abuse, accident, or hurt, that you will not be able to handle your emotions and the grief and the shame. You think you may just go crazy! If you’ve ever felt like that, relax. Every human being has had that fear. Everybody has felt at some time in their life that they were losing their mind. It’s not as big a deal as you may think it is. In fact, only rational people have that fear. You are broken, but you are not crazy. You’re also in good company, because we’re all broken. We all have insecurities, fears, and habits we don’t like.

The fear of how others will react - You’re afraid to be honest because you might be rejected or dismissed or abandoned. Others might think you’re less of a believer in God than you claim to be. A fraud. You’re afraid to be yourself, because your overactive emotional mind tells you, that in the end, you’re all you’ve got. And if people don’t like what they see, you’re in trouble. And, you’re afraid that others will try to fix you. You've got to get over that fear!

The fear that being honest is useless - What will it do? What’s the point? Why tell anybody else about what you’re struggling with? You feel like you’ve been there before, and it didn’t help - But you didn’t go there! You haven’t ever really been totally honest, because if you had, you’d already be released.

The Bible says, “Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” - When you can let go of your fears and admit your faults to other people, God has promised you the healing you’ve been looking for.

Think and Talk It Over - How does knowing that other people have the same fears as you help you talk about those fears with someone else? What is it about yourself or your past that you want to keep hidden from others? How have you experienced healing through confession to God and by sharing your hurts and fears with others? Question it, question yourself.

Everybody needs healing from some sort of hurt, hang-up, or habit - As the song goes: 'Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you...'

The fear of your own emotions.
The fear of how others will react.
The fear that being honest is useless.
 - the release is HONEST COMMUNICATION... to your God and yourself be true.

FEAR is a product of CONTROL - and guess what? - you are not in control - GOD IS IN CONTROL - Work with Him to work through you...

(formulation acknowledgement to Rick Warren ~ Stafford)

Inconvenient Truths... God, please be our help and strength!

If you keep soliciting for human support for the gospel you preach, you will be forced to compromise God’s word to please your hearers. Your most important goal should be to please our Lord and Master Jesus Christ. Beware of the temptation to seek for human support; neither should you be afraid of the empty threats of the ungodly. If you are preaching God’s truth, you will be persecuted, abused, insulted and called names. Even our Lord was accused of being a servant of Satan.

Think for a moment what it means to be an earthly soldier, talk more of being a soldier of Christ. You will need to endure so much and free yourself from every form of entanglement which come in form of receiving flattery, gifts and accolades from the ungodly to pervert the truth.“You therefore must endure hardship as a true soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please Him who enlisted him as a soldier.” ~ 2 Tim. 2:3-4

If people are hearing what you preach and they are affirming you while continuing deeper in their sin, then you have been deceived by Satan to preach what pleases the flesh and people. When people affirm you, it should be because you have given them God’s undiluted truth that will set them free and this should cause them to glorify Jesus Christ NOT you. If it is God’s truth, it MUST pierce even to the division of the soul and spirit and of joints and marrow, discerning every thought and intent of the hearts of the hearers. To those who are being saved, the truth of God will be the aroma of life leading to life. To them who are perishing, it will be the aroma of death leading to death because they are refusing to receive the undiluted truth of God’s word; they fear that their evil deeds will be exposed.

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT GOD NEVER DEALS WITH THE ‘MAJORITY’ -

DO NOT over-analyse, mis-interpret, rationalise, or dilute God’s word to suit the flesh and to please your hearers/readers. Please beware of preaching doctrines that indirectly glorify or protect Satan and demons. Let your motivation for preaching God’s word NOT be the number of ‘likes’, ‘comments’ or friends you get on Facebook, Twitter, G+ or other social web-sites, or how much applause you receive in the church services.

Do not be deceived by Satan to believe that you should apologise because someone got hurt when you preached God’s truth; never apologise to anyone for preaching or sharing God’s word against sin or for preaching righteousness, holiness and right-living - NEVER! "If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, a servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted ME, they will also persecute you..." ~ John 15:18-20

"Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven." ~ Matt. 10:27-33

NEVER STOP PREACHING GOD’S TRUTH JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID OF LOSING FRIENDS AND SUPPORTERS. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THERE IS A SECTION (far worse than other sections) RESERVED IN HELL FOR COMPROMISING SERVANTS OF GOD; FEAR GOD! KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE CROWN OF LIFE THAT AWAITS YOU; AND THE RECEPTION THAT OUR LORD JESUS IS PREPARING FOR YOU FOR YOUR TRIUMPH AND FAITHFULNESS...

“Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” ~ 1 Cor. 9:27

Don't let your emotions make you a bitch?

Some of our struggles involve making decisions, while others are a result of the decisions and choices we have made. Some struggles result from choices others make that affect our lives. We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond.


Many struggles come as problems and pressures that sometimes cause pain; others come as temptations, trials and tribulations...


Life may have different chapters, but one bad chapter doesn't mean its the end of your book. Its just a new beginning for you, see it as a second opportunity in life to be greater and do better in your next chapter. How successful you are is completely determined on how you appreciate what you've got and what you'll make out of what you have.

We often fear too much; that eventually our own fears cheat us out of our dreams; right now God is bigger than whatever you're worried about, even though life puts you in tough situations; don't ask why? Just say try me. Understand that every day is a challenge but not every day is the same challenge, its like a test; you pass or you fail, but that doesn't mean give up on yourself, believe in yourself enough to know what's your worth, and don't overlook the people, answers and signs He places in your path...


Life is not perfect; it never will be. You just have to make the very best of it and have to open your heart to what the world can show you, sometimes its terrifying and sometimes its incredibly beautiful. So, ignore the next person's ignorance, hate, drama and negativity - it stops you from becoming the best person you can be. Mistakes made are proof that you are trying; it's not proof that you'll never be successful - God hasn't given up on you, why would you want to give up on yourself?


You need to learn how to select you thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day, this is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad - work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control. Once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less... - you are somebody's reason to smile... it is part and parcel of God's purpose for placing you here - find, embrace and revel in that purpose!


Godspeed, y'all! (",)

The character of love...

“Reputation is what others think of us; character is what God knows of us. When you have spent what feels like eternity trying to repair a few moments of time that destroyed the view others once had of you then you must ask yourself if you have the problem or is it really them? God doesn’t make us try so hard... only enemies do.” - Shannon L. Alder

May God bless and enhance your day (",)

Break Me and Make Change...

Have you ever heard the saying that old habits are hard to break? That means that change is hard to do. The definition of change is "to alter, to transform, to switch, or to transfer". However, the definition that really stuck out the most to me was "to break", meaning "to shift to a lower register" as in to "Make Change".


In order to "Make Change" out of a rand, it has to be "broken". When you allow God to make change in your life, things you have have to be broken.


 You may end up having a lot of fragmented pieces once He starts breaking things down in your life, but it's okay. You may end up as 10 ten-cent pieces, or even 100 cents, but once he adds all the change, you end up being whole again.

"He heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)

Familiarity is often hard to walk away from, but it breeds complacency and stagnation. While on the other hand, change is altering - doing away with a routine or habit. Change is a breaking point in our lives where we have to step out of the ordinary to step into the extraordinary. To change means we have to sacrifice things to become broken - to be made whole.

Allow God to "make change" in your life. A path in a circle eventually takes you back to where you started, so you end up going nowhere. You end up in a cycle that seems to keep repeating itself over and over again... The same bad choices with the same results. The same mountain. The same test that you have taken so many times that you end up memorizing the questions. If this applies to you, you need God to break you and "Make Change".

"Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart You, God, will not despise." (Psalm 51:8-12; 17)

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Good Day to y'all - give thanks with a grateful heart...

Browsing through the messages on my various social media platforms earlier, I came across this cryptic 'missal': "What have you done?"

Nothing further, just the question, "What have you done?" - it was amazing (yet not surprising) how my immediate thoughts went scouring through my behaviour, my utterances and actions that may have caused distress or harm to someone. In other words, I looked for the worst thing I may have perpetrated recently that would condemn me as a 'bad person.' I don't know, because the message didn't elaborate on anything, or give me any indication about what I was supposed to have done - and because I cannot read minds, does that mean (the intention is this?) I have to squirm in torment?

It prompted me to say a quick prayer request for guidance; as to how I should proceed; and then an amazing thing happened - my ruthless optimism kicked in; my FAITH in a loving, gracious and merciful God brought my mind back to the realisation that His peace is with me.

If 'what I have done' has caused disharmony that is contrary to His glory, I must ask for forgiveness, and do whatever I can, within the scope of my changing attitude and resources to set it right, or retract it - incidentally, I couldn't think of anything that was sooo bad that I couldn't correct with His help and strength - then again 'what have I done', could be something good or worthily life-changing for this other entity that I may have affected - I'd like to think that is the case...

I just pray that the next time someone leaves the message, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" - my first thought would be peaceful, because whatever I do should always be to the glory of God; and thereby cryptic oneliners become commonplace validation of the goodness inside of me; and not the agony of ambivalent self-recriminations.

Stay blessed - and remember, no good deed goes unpunished (",)

Given For Free...

I have no doubt that many of us are carrying some deep wounds that we’ve carried for months, maybe even years. When one thinks about that person who hurt one, it’s still as fresh as if it happened this morning. The pain is still there, and we’re still filled with resentment.

We say, “Why in the world should I forgive that person who hurt me so much? You have no idea how much they hurt me. Why should I offer grace to that person?”

We ought to do it for three reasons:

1. We need to be gracious to others and forgive those who have hurt us because God has been gracious to us.

We can never forgive anyone else more than Christ has already forgiven us. We should consider that we don't always get what we deserved, either. God has been gracious to us; now be gracious with others.

2. We need to forgive others because the alternative is bitterness.

Scientists tell us that resentment is the unhealthiest emotion there is. It always hurts you more than anybody else! Resentment will not change the past, and it won’t solve the problem. It doesn’t even make you feel better. In fact, it makes you feel worse.

Scripture says (and I paraphrase), “Be careful that none of you fails to respond to the grace which God gives; for if you do there can very easily spring up in you a bitter spirit, which is not only bad in itself, but can also poison the lives of many others.”

3. We need to show grace to and forgive others because God expects us to do it.

If one says, “I could never forgive that person,” then best hope you never sin. If you just don’t feel like doing it, do it anyway, because it’s the right thing to do.

The reason why some of us have a hard time forgiving is because we don’t feel forgiven; and if that is so, pray this prayer of liberation and freedom from the depths of your heart:

“Dear Lord, You know that I have been hurt by others. You know that my resentment has made me act in ways that have been unreasonable and unhelpful and unhealthy. I need Your power to release and forgive those who have hurt me so I can stop letting them control me. Lord, please replace my hurt with your peace. God, I realize that I have hurt a lot of other people with my habits and my bad decisions and my hang-ups; please forgive me for the way I've hurt others. Help me to make a list of those I've harmed and in the right way at the right time to humbly seek to make amends. I want to refocus my life on YOU. I want to face the future courageously with love and peace in my heart. I implore You, dear Father, to help me replace my resentment with Your love, and my bitterness with Your grace.
My sincere and contrite thanks for Your gracious forgiveness for all the things that I've done wrong - help me to help You set things right. Amen.”

This is the first and most important step to start loving yourself again; in His mercy and to His glory - stay blessed, love Staf xxxxxxx

By the book...

Life, happens when you're making plans

flying high and shaking hands

a song will write you, you don't write it

I, didn't mean to fall in love

was rhythm that created us

I was running, we collided

Baseline, I will always make time,

I just wanna know that feeling's in your heart for me

Baseline, after all the great times,

I just wanna know that feeling's in your heart...

When the beat drops out

and the people gone

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the lights go out

and the morning come

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the beat drops out

and the people gone

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the lights go out

and the morning come

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the beat drops out...

With you, I found a new way to live

I see an alternative

Now we started, we can't stop it

I, I didn't mean to fall in love

last thing I was thinking of

was you and me, but we collided

Baseline, I will always make time,

I just wanna know that feeling's in your heart for me

Baseline, after all the great times,

I just wanna know that feeling's in your heart...

When the beat drops out

and the people gone

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the lights go out

and the morning come

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the beat drops out

and the people gone

will you still be there, still be there

for me child.

When the lights go out

and the morning come

will you still be there, still be there

for me child

When the beat drops out...

when the beat drops out...

when the beat drops out...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMiIrVDtHpw

Circumstantial Denial...

People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life.

There may be some people who put you down in life, mock your dreams and challenge your personality. They look like winners, but in actual fact, they are only voicing out their insecurities. Do not let them pull you down, believe and accept yourself and hold onto what you believe in...

My beautiful soulmate - I forgive you and continue to pray for you; and love you above all other mortals... - Sammybear

A New Year - with an old silence to protect a fictitious reputation... - Godless

When answers aren't forthcoming, it is our human nature to 'conjure' up some sort of answer to make sense of it all. This may help us to move on, and is helpful in that way; but what if our 'educated' opinion should prove to be be untrue? Is it wise to carry on in pretense of acceptance of that potential lie? And most of the time we include that underlying fabrication into our 'freedom' from the past. Surely the blatant and glaring wrong in this can only manufacture a false reality? How wholesome can this be...?

It's hard to let go when we don't know why they're gone. It's natural to want an explanation, an understanding, something that puts their leaving into perspective. It's hard to move on when there is nothing but silence, or worse, a strangely formal way of relating, as though you made the whole thing up.

But we can't put our lives on hold, waiting for an answer that may never come. Maybe they will tell us one day, or maybe they will never understand it themselves. It isn't that important. What is important is that we don't abandon ourselves in the heart of loss. That we don't make another's presence more important than our own. That we don't lock ourselves in a prison of our own making, waiting for an external liberator to set us free. If they have left, we have to leave too. We have to let the pain through the holes they left behind so it can find its ultimate destination. Because we have so much left to do. Our precious life waits on no one...

Then how do I honour this challenge..?

"I also feel that it shouldn’t be my choice to come back to you (again). After the first time when you had the courage to approach me and started our relationship, every other time I have initiated the contact. The two occasions when I made contact with you again after we broke up – my sense was that you didn’t want to be with me enough to give up whatever else made you give me up and that you were still holding onto (was it fear?). And this time round again I was the one to initiate contact, and am having to do the work and make the sacrifices to see you.
So I am putting it back into your court again. If you really want to be with me this time – you do the work in separating from or conquering whatever it is you need to, so that you can come into your full personal power. And come to me as a man who is seeking to be a ‘’king, warrior, magician and lover’’ so that I can be your queen, and we can build a mature relationship.  I am not perfect by any means, and I realize that we are work in progress and that in a relationship we will continue to heal each other with our love. But there are some things which I feel you need to address before we can even get started.
You are the one I want to be with, and I am not going anywhere with anyone else. If you are prepared to do the work, you’ll know where to find me when you are ready to."

2015 - the New Year beckons change...

To me, the start of my day, on New Year's Eve always seems like a Sunday morning - which isn't all that strange considering that although it is the end of a secular now, it is an integral part of something new - a change - that doesn't remain new; we can only count on it remaining constant (take Monday mornings, for instance) - and that is what New Years, days, months and things are all about - constant change. Hopefully and prayerfully for the best and, please God, of and in ourselves...

IT IS OBVIOUS WHAT KIND OF LIFE DEVELOPS OUT OF TRYING TO GET YOUR OWN WAY ALL THE TIME: REPETITIVE,  LOVELESS,  CHEAP SEX,  A STINKING ACCUMULATION OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL GARBAGE,  FRENZIED AND JOYLESS GRABS FOR HAPPINESS,  TRINKET GODS,  MAGIC-SHOW RELIGION,  PARANOID LONELINESS,  CUT-THROAT COMPETITION,  ALL-CONSUMING-YET-NEVER-SATISFIED WANTS,  A BRUTAL TEMPER - SEEDED FROM DISSATISFACTION,  AN IMPOTENCE TO LOVE OR BE LOVED,  DIVIDED HOMES AND DIVIDED LIVES,  SMALL-MINDED AND LOP-SIDED PURSUITS,  THE VICIOUS HABIT OF DEPERSONALISING EVERYONE INTO A RIVAL,  UNCONTROLLED AND UNCONTROLLABLE ADDITIONS,  UGLY PARODIES OF COMMUNITY...

I COULD GO ON... IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED - IF YOU USE YOUR FREEDOM THIS WAY, YOU WILL NOT INHERIT GOD’S KINGDOM. - Gal 5:19

JESUS TOLD ANOTHER STORY:
“GOD’S KINGDOM IS LIKE A FARMER WHO PLANTED GOOD SEED IN HIS FIELD. THAT NIGHT, WHILE HIS HIRED MEN WERE ASLEEP, HIS ENEMY SOWED THISTLES ALL THROUGH THE HEAT AND SLIPPED AWAY BEFORE DAWN. WHEN THE FIRST GREEN SHOOTS APPEARED AND THE GRAIN BEGAN TO FORM, THE THISTLES SHOWED UP, TOO... THE FARMHANDS CAME TO THE FARMER AND SAID, ‘MASTER, THAT WAS CLEAN SEED YOU PLANTED,WAS IT NOT? WHERE DID THESE THISTLES COME FROM?’

HE ANSWERED, ‘SOME ENEMY DID THIS.’ THE FARMHANDS ASKED, ‘SHOULD WE WEED OUT THE THISTLES?’ HE SAID, ‘NO, IF YOU WEED THE THISTLES, YOU WILL PULL UP THE WHEAT, TOO. LET THEM GROW TOGETHER UNTIL HARVEST TIME. THEN I WILL INSTRUCT THE HARVESTERS TO PULL UP THE THISTLES AND TIE THEM IN BUNDLES FOR THE FIRE, THEN GATHER THE WHEAT AND PUT IT IN THE BARN.’

SO HE EXPLAINED, 'THE FARMER WHO SOWS THE PURE SEED IS THE SON OF MAN. THE FIELD IS THE WORLD, THE PURE SEEDS ARE SUBJECTS OF THE KINGDOM, THE THISTLES ARE SUBJECTS OF THE DEVIL, AND THE ENEMY WHO SOWS THEM IS THE DEVIL. THE HARVEST IS THE END OF THE AGE, THE CURTAIN OF HISTORY. THE HARVEST HANDS ARE ANGELS.
THE PICTURE OF THISTLES PULLED UP AND BURNED IS A SCENE FROM THE FINAL ACT. THE SON OF MAN WILL SEND HIS ANGELS, WEED OUT THE THISTLES FROM HIS KINGDOM, PITCH THEM IN THE TRASH, AND BE DONE WITH THEM. THEY ARE GOING TO COMPLAIN TO HIGH HEAVEN, BUT NOBODY IS GOING TO LISTEN. AT THE SAME TIME, RIPE, HOLY LIVES WILL MATURE AND ADORN THE KINGDOM OF THEIR FATHER.'"

ARE YOU LISTENING TO THIS? - REALLY LISTENING? - GOD’S KINGDOM IS LIKE A TREASURE HIDDEN IN A FIELD FOR YEARS AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY FOUND BY A TRESPASSER. THE FINDER IS ECSTATIC - WHAT A FIND! AND PROCEEDS TO SELL EVERY EXCESS HE OWNS TO RAISE MONEY AND BUY THAT FIELD. - Matt 13:24

MAY THE GRACE OF GOD BE UPON YOU, AND HIS SPIRIT BE YOUR GUIDE IN THIS NEW YEAR - SHALOM : PEACE TO YOU...

Please be kind...

"The word kindness has a gentle sound that seems to echo the presence of compassionate goodness. When someone is kind to you, you feel understood and seen. There is no judgment or harsh perception directed toward you. Kindness has gracious eyes; it is not small-minded or competitive; it wants nothing back for itself. Kindness strikes a resonance with the depths of your own heart; it also suggests that your vulnerability, though somehow exposed, is not taken advantage of; rather, it has become an occasion for dignity and empathy. Kindness casts a different light, an evening light that has the depth of colour and patience to illuminate what is complex and rich in difference." ~ John O' Donohue

The truth of the matter...

It's been almost three years since I heard her voice that provided such joy and instilled glorious hope into my heart. A voice that gave me wings never to allow circumstance, that temporary devil, to ever extinguish the flame of love within me...

Saturday, June 25, 2011 @ 18:27

Dear Lilian ~ my Babykin

Yours is the face I see as I close my eyes, and the visage remains in my mind until I awake. I am helpless to prevent its course. A pleasant presence and not obsessive or invasive; so tenderly beautifully constant!

I, Stafford Samuel Lakay, hereby pledge, before and with the help of God, to love, honour, cherish, serve and obey Lilian Diana Dudley for rest of my life here on Earth. And should the Lord see fit to take me with Him into Eternity, I extend this pledge to that Glorious Abode as well.

This pledge’s essence is timeless and therefore its expiry null and insists this that you contact me the split second your circumstances have aligned to make it possible for us to be together again

The singular reproach I hold against you is the current longing I have for more exposure to that spirit of abundant kindness, love and interest you exhibit so selflessly. That infectious giggle and teasing nature I love so dearly.

I embrace the special joy you bring to our love that no other could ever replace; this consequence prevails on me to further troth this that with the blessing of God our Father; I shall not extend my romantic love to another; and will remain faithfully yours until you return to me…

Kind, gentle Lilian embrace this oath as a treasure that you possess in something precious, that I know and feel you hold dear. Under this guarantee I am perfectly patient and peacefully content to wait, completely trusting in your wisdom and God’s guidance in your and my lives ahead.

Forever yours

Stafford ~ your Sammybear

" Your best friends and your soulmate may be far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit for you. Give them a chance to show you. When you stop expecting the people you love to be a certain way, you can start to enjoy and appreciate them for who they are. What you need to remember is that every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect in the end is when you wouldn't want to be anywhere else, even when times are tough. "

Sweet Flux of Life

Everything you perceive is coming through your lens. There’s no other way for you to receive data/information from outside yourself, other than to filter it through your own eyes, ears, heart and mind. And sometimes our receptors have really gotten clogged. Emotionally, our ability to discern what’s real is determined by how much we’ve been hurt, and to what degree we’ve been able to work with our pain. At this point, I’d have to say your pain, and your willingness to examine and understand it, are your tickets to an empowered and authentic life, which to me includes the ability to face reality as it is. As Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

Sometimes you have a history with someone, and you have pain around the interaction, and it clouds your ability to see the person clearly, even years later. We are all in process all the time, it never ends. The way you were three years ago is not the way you are today. There’s been growth, and change and movement. And so it is with everyone else. People make mistakes, and no one is operating from their highest selves in every moment. We've all made choices we’d love to go back and redo. Sometimes people have so much heat and pain between them, even when something small happens, the reaction to it is huge. As if every single way the person had ever disappointed you or hurt you is also in the mix. And maybe they just forgot to pick up their socks. (Not that it’s considerate to make a habit of leaving your dirty socks around for someone else to pick up, I’m just saying that’s all it may take to tick a person off sometimes, and before you know it, you’re screaming about something they said 10 years ago to your mother. Or something.)

Sometimes the inability to see a person clearly happens at the beginning. People write or make mental notes and lists of qualities they’d like in a partner - It’s good to know what you’re looking for as far as your “non-negotiables” are concerned, which might include things like loyalty or a good sense of humour, but I’m talking about lists that include eye colour and hair color and six-pack abs and an interest in croquet and salsa dancing, etc. Then they meet a person with the “right” colour eyes, and start projecting the entire list on to the unsuspecting person. Who maybe doesn’t like croquet. And they miss the chance to get to know someone as they are. And then see if it’s a good fit. This can come out of a deep desire for intimacy and connection, which is totally understandable, but can create a tendency to sweep things under the rug. And hormones can also fog your lens right up.


It’s not just romantically, either. Familial relationships are a classic context for this stuff. You may be a full-grown adult who functions well in the world, but find when you go back to your parents place it’s as if you regress - you go back in time to the you you were when you were fifteen. Or that your parents still treat you like that kid who should get a smaller portion at dinner. Siblings often interact the way they did growing up, either supporting each other, or blasting each other, or some combination of both.

If you’re feeling incredibly lonely, that can also clog your lens. Maybe you think every person who says 'hi' to you might really want to sleep with you. Or you think everyone hates you. There are all kinds of ways we mis-perceive reality, and it’s important to recognize that, or at least factor it into your mix. To ask yourself if you’re feeling heated over something, or defeated, or confused or angry or rejected or mistreated, if there’s any possibility you’re not seeing things clearly. If maybe you have some part in what’s happening. Because you do. You have your experiences and your outlook, and it’s essential to understand how those things are helping you filter the data that’s coming at you, or not.

If you think you suck, or people suck, your lens is distorted. If you think another person is only ever going to be the way they were with you at some given point in time, your lens is also in need of a wiping. You also might want to throw into the equation your dynamic with someone. Sometimes two people bring out the worst in each other, or push buttons or bring up past pain unintentionally. Just because your interaction didn’t work doesn’t mean other relationships will face the same demise for you, or for them. You can’t “peg’ people. I know we love to do that, but people are in flux just like everything else is in flux. And it feels awful to be pegged, right? To be unforgiven, to have every mistake you’ve ever made reflected back at you every time you talk to someone with whom you were once so close.

There are many ways to wipe your lens or get a new view if you need one. Finding the tools that work for you for your own healing and your own willingness to examine and work with your pain are also ways you upgrade your prescription. I won’t lie to you. The world is full of pain sometimes. But it’s also full of the kind of beauty that can take your breath away if you let it. That can knock you over with gratitude and joy. I used to think the thing we all wanted was to be happy. But really, I think the thing is to be awake. To be hungry for the TRUTH, even if it’s painful. This means your truth, what’s true for you personally. Being able to discern what you need to be at peace. What’s yours, and what belongs to someone else when interactions go awry. What’s real for other people. Just being able to see clearly, and accept REALITY as it is. Your reality - it’s not easy. Sometimes we want to fight it because things aren’t unfolding the way we want them to. But it’s not up to us. We don’t always get to choose everything that the world throws at us. We don’t get to manage what other people do or want or say or need. We just get to manage ourselves, as best we can, and hopefully with a lot of love and compassion. There’s a lot of power and a lot of peace in that.

We often fear too much; that eventually our own fears cheat us out of our dreams; right now God is bigger than whatever you're worried about, even though life puts you in tough situations; don't ask why? Just say try me. Understand that every day is a challenge but not every day is the same challenge, its like a test; you pass or you fail, but that doesn't mean give up on yourself, believe in yourself enough to know what's your worth, and don't overlook the people, answers and signs He places in your path...

Life is not perfect; it never will be. You just have to make the very best of it and have to open your heart to what the world can show you, sometimes its terrifying and sometimes its incredibly beautiful. So, ignore the next person's ignorance, hate, drama and negativity - it stops you from becoming the best person you can be. Mistakes made are proof that you are trying; it's not proof that you'll never be successful - God hasn't given up on you, why would you want to give up on yourself or make somebody else's reality your own? -

(adapted from the writings of Ally Hamilton)