EGO - bane of the soul...

Raising Vibrations How to Quiet the Mind By Gina Lake The mind is a wonderful tool for thinking, but it has a dark side. There is an aspect of the mind that is not useful but pretends to be useful, which is called the egoic mind. It is the aspect of our mind that chats with us as we move about our day. It is the "voice in our head," as Eckhart Tolle calls it. Much of the time, this voice seems like our own thoughts and our own voice, and we often express these thoughts (e.g., "I love doing that!" "I can't wait until tomorrow." "I wonder what will happen"). At other times, this voice is like the voice of a parent or other authority figure or a friend (e.g., "You should try harder." "Don't forget to take your vitamins." "Wouldn't it be fun to try that!"). It may even seem evil or mean (e.g., "You never do anything right. You're worthless. You might as well give up"). We tend to take this voice seriously—we believe it, agree with it, and don't question it. We believe it because we are programmed, or wired, to believe our ow! n thoughts, regardless of whether they are true and helpful or not. Not only do we believe these thoughts, but we believe they are "ours." We identify with them—we feel they reflect who we are. We don't tend to question our own thoughts, although we readily question other people's thoughts, especially if those thoughts are different from ours. But when we stop and examine what this mental voice is saying, we discover a lot of contradictory advice, misinformation, prejudices, judgments, and other negativity. This mental voice is often unkind, belittling, fearful, self-doubting, judgmental, complaining, confused, and unhelpful. It turns out that the voice in our head is not a very good guide to life, and yet we tend to accept what it says and do what it suggests. This voice, in fact, is the cause of human suffering. It fights life, rails against it, and is discontent and afraid. It is the voice of the false self—the ego—not the true self. The thoughts that arise in our mind cause every negative emotion we experience: fear, guilt, anger, jealousy, shame, sadness, resentment, envy, hopelessness, worthlessness, and depression. Without these thoughts, we would live in peace within ourselves and in harmony with others. But you already know this, don't you? The funny thing is that we can see the truth about the egoic mind and still be entranced by it, still be mesmerized by it. The programming to pay attention to and believe this aspect of the mind is very strong, and it takes not only seeing the truth about it, but also a practice, as in meditation, of not giving our attention to this mental voice before we gain enough distance from it to experience freedom and the joy and peace of our true self, or Essence, as I like to call it. The reason for moving out of the egoic mind and into the Now is to experience who we really are. Our thoughts represent the false self, the ego. In fact, all the false self is, is thoughts. There is no substance, no thing, that is the false self—only thoughts. The false self is made up of ideas about yourself: "I'm a woman, I'm a mother, I don't like traveling, I'm middle-aged, I like blue, I'm married, my father deserted me when I was young, I want to be a novelist, I'm not pretty enough," and so on. Such ideas create an image and sense of yourself, but you are not an image or even this sense of yourself. Images aren't real or true. Feelings about yourself aren't even real or true, since they are based only on thoughts, which aren't real or true. Who you really are has nothing to do with any of these ideas, feelings about yourself, or stories you tell about yourself. Your true self is the experience of yourself existing in this moment, free of such constructs, stories, and self-images. To experience your true self, or Essence, you have to move out of your self-images and thoughts about yourself into the experience you are having right here and now, absent of thoughts and self-images, which obscure who you really are. We become entranced by our thoughts and overlook reality—the real experience we are having here and now. The egoic mind, however, doesn't want you to stop paying attention to it, so it continually tries to engage your attention. It persists in this because this is how the false self is maintained. If you stop paying attention to your thoughts, the false self disappears, and all that's left is Essence—the real you who is experiencing this moment. There is something else here besides this character you suppose yourself to be, and that's what is actually living your life. This that you truly are is looking out of your eyes, hearing sounds, reading and understanding these words, and having every other experience that is part of this very unique and potentially delightful moment. What else are you experiencing besides reading? What colors are you experiencing? What sounds? What sensations? What intuitions? What drives? What insights? What is the Being that you are experiencing right now? The more we bring our focus into the present moment and onto our actual experience (as opposed to focusing on our thoughts), the more we experience the joy and contentment of the spiritual being that we are. This that we are is having a wonderful time having this adventure we call life. It embraces all of it—every experience. When we come into the Now, we experience the peace, joy, contentment, wisdom, patience, kindness, and strength of our true nature. At our core, we are all loving and joyous beings! It is only identification with the egoic mind that makes us feel and act otherwise. The only thing that interferes with the experience of Essence is absorption in thought. Imagine that! The egoic mind is the only thing that interferes with living more lovingly and more at peace with ourselves and the world. We are all beautiful and amazing creations! My intention is to help you see the truth about your ego and the egoic mind so that you can more easily and more consistently experience who you really are. Fulfillment and true happiness is found by dropping out of our ego and egoic mind (the false self) into the Now—into the experience of Essence. That is what we are about here. The practices, explorations, video, and guided meditation offered in this lesson are a very important part of this discovery. Please give yourself fully to them this week. Sending all love and blessings…

Grief Therapy Techniques & Guide

Humans tend to make bonds of affection or attachment with others. When these bonds are broken, as in death or separation, a strong emotional reaction occurs, which is defined as “grief.”

In general, grief has been often associated with death and dying. However, in recent years, the association of grief is also recognized with any loss, being the deprivation of a meaningful relationship, separation from a pet, a friend, a family member or even marriage, job, health, role and identity.

Grief is a very powerful emotion. It is really painful and exhausting. It is real. It is hard. Depression shares common features with grief and this grief can completely take over the way you think and feel. Grieving is extremely tiring both physically and emotionally. When experiencing trauma which has changed our lives and circumstances and our routines, we grieve the loss of our old life. The grief changes us completely for good or bad. We are forever changed by our experience, but it does not have to be negative always. However the way each and every individual and families cope with separation (not only by death, but also by divorce, broken family, diagnosed with terminal illness both for the patient and caregiver, etc.), grief, loss, and bereavement is as unique as a fingerprint. This person's response or reaction to loss has physical, psychological, social, emotional, behavioral and spiritual components.

Anticipating the impact of loss or and during and after the events of loss or trauma, each person has unique emotional experiences and ways of coping and grieving and of reacting or not. But when it is sudden, violent or unexpected loss or trauma, then that imposes additional strains on coping. When a community is affected such as by disaster like natural calamities or epidemics, both the cost and sometimes the supports are greater.

Although we grieve many losses throughout a lifetime, such as losing a job or a home, the death of a loved one is especially difficult. In fact it is probably the most painful of all human experiences. Whether it is a parent, child, friend or a pet, a whole host of feelings is triggered by loss, and the only way to truly heal from the loss is to fully experience those feelings.

The impacts of the grief are particularly challenging times for children also, who may have had little experience managing strong effects within themselves or in their family. These feelings are all part of a natural healing process that draws on the resilience of the person, family and community.

The grief felt by an individual is not just for the person who died/separated, but also for the unfulfilled wishes and plans of/with the person. Death often reminds people of past losses or separations. The person who are grieving will try to withdraw from their friends and family and feel helpless and in some cases some might be angry and want to take action.

Given the right skills and cope up methods, we can allow this process of grief to move through us and even it can become a tool for the development of great insight. The majority of people who survive loss and trauma skillfully do not go on to develop post traumatic depression syndrome.

But, majority of us are stuck with that and are unaware of how we are meant to deal with the sadness and hence the depth of emotion will be welling up within us. This undealt grief could initiate a whole chain of chronic dysfunction, confusion, depression, avoidance behaviors and general unhappiness. The complications of the grief reaction are many.

According to Worden (1982), there can be feelings such as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, shock, yearning, numbness, helplessness etc., physical sensations which include fatigue, tightness in the chest and throat, a dry mouth, a hollow feeling in the stomach and more. There might be various thoughts going in the mind of that grieving person that can lead to depression, obsessions, confusion or even hallucinations and behaviors such as disturbed sleep, social withdrawal, crying, neurotic responses to old possessions and memories, absent-mindedness, searching and calling out, restless overactivity and so on.

Mourning/grieving may be described as having the following three phases:

The urge to bring back the person who died/separated.
Disorganization and sadness.
Reorganization.

They cannot be grieving all the day as it is certain that their bereavement will be interrupted by their practical issues of survival or have to be strong by hiding their loss for the benefit of family and friends. They have to cope up with other life events and have to adapt in this process of grieving. In such cases, their grief can remain unresolved and later resurface as an issue for counseling/therapy.

In all places and cultures, the grieving person benefits from the support of others. Time and the comfort and understanding loved ones who come to their aid will be of support to that individual in their own time and their own way. Where such support is lacking, counseling and therapy may provide an opening for healthy resolution. There are a number of different ways that the person with grief can find comfort and help during these times of sadness and here comes the grief counseling and therapy.

The bereaved person may even find himself/herself thinking that he/she is going crazy by the behavior of friends and relatives telling and sometimes dictating them how he/she should behave. Grief counseling or grief therapy is best used by those individuals who need the opportunity to talk confidentially and who want help while working through the stages of grief.

The four tasks that are necessary are:

Task 1: Accept the reality of the loss.
Task 2: Experience the pain of the grief.
Task 3: Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing.
Task 4: Withdraw emotional energy from the deceased and reinvest it in other social activity without uncertainty or guilt.

The goal of the counselor/therapist is to encourage the completion of these tasks. Neither the phase nor the task models should be considered as invariable patterns. They are, however, useful guidelines that may be used when appropriate.

WHEN GRIEF THERAPY IS NECESSARY?

Rituals and ceremony can help us. There is no time frame for grieving. However, if you are feeling deeply depressed for a long period of time after the separation of someone (6 months on) then there arises the need to seek help and medical advice. You may have clinical depression and need some short term intervention.

There is a difference between grieving and depression. It is normal to have bouts of deep sadness, crying, not interested in any tasks or routines, getting out of bed, and feelings of intense loneliness following the loss of a loved one. In the case of death, after the funeral when friends and family have gone back to their lives and you are left with your feelings and loneliness, is when help is most needed. This help can come from someone who has been through the experience, and truly understands the nature of grief and grieving or from a good and supportive friend, who will listen and not give advice, someone who ‘gets it’, without you having to explain.

Grief counseling becomes necessary when a person is so disabled by their grief, overwhelmed by loss to the extent that their normal coping processes are disabled or shut down.

GRIEF COUNSELING AND GRIEF THERAPY:
Grief counseling is a form of psychotherapy that aims to help people cope with grief and mourning following the death of loved ones or with major life changes that trigger feelings of grief (like diagnosis of some terminal illness or divorce or breakup, etc.).

THE GOALS OF GRIEF COUNSELING:

Helping the individual to accept the loss by helping him or her to talk about the loss.
Helping the individual to identify and express feelings related to the loss (for example, anger, guilt, anxiety, helplessness, and sadness).
Helping the individual to live without the person who died and to make decisions alone.
Helping the individual to separate emotionally from the person who died and to begin new relationships.
Providing support and time to focus on grieving at important times such as birthdays and anniversaries.
Describing normal grieving and the differences in grieving among individuals.
Providing continuous support.
Helping the individual to understand his or her methods of coping.
Identifying coping problems that individual may have and making recommendations for professional grief therapy.
Grief therapy utilizes specialized techniques that help people with abnormal or complicated grief reactions and helps them to resolve the conflicts of separation.

It should be noted that grief counseling and grief therapy are not for everyone and are not the "cures" for the grieving process, but they are opportunities for those who seek support to help to move or get transformed in a most positive to find a new "normal" in their lives. They will also come to understand in a better manner to cope up with the situation by accepting the fact that after a loved one dies, one does not remove that person from his or her life, but rather learns to develop a new relationship with the person now that he or she has died. Writer Carol Crandall states in “Mediations for Healing after the Death of a Loved One” as, "You don't heal from the loss of a loved one because time passes; you heal because of what you do with the time.”

So grief therapy is defined as a kind of psychotherapy used to treat severe or complicated traumatic grief reactions, which are usually brought on by the loss of a close person (by separation or death) or by community disaster. The goal of grief therapy is to identify and solve the psychological and emotional problems which appeared as a consequence.

These changes during the phase of grieving may appear as behavioral or physical changes, psychosomatic disturbances, delayed or extreme mourning, conflictual problems or sudden and unexpected mourning.

Grief therapy includes dealing with blockages to the grieving process, identifying any unfinished business with the deceased/separated and identifying other losses that result from that death or separation. The grieving person must come in terms with the loss and acknowledge that the loss is final and to picture a life after that grieving period.

This grief therapy may be available as individual or group therapy like for those people who are diagnosed with any terminal illness and also for the caregivers.

Grief therapy is most appropriate in situations that fall into three categories:

The complicated grief reaction is manifested as prolonged grief.
The grief reaction manifests itself through some masked somatic or behavioral symptom.
The reaction is manifested by an exaggerated grief response.

Let us seem them in detail.

(I) Prolonged Grief:
Persons who experience this difficulty are consciously aware that they are not coming to an adequate resolution of their grief even though the loss has occurred many months or even years earlier. Often the reason behind this type of complicated grief reaction is a separation conflict leading to the incompletion of one of the tasks of grieving. In this type as the people acknowledge the intensity of the problem, normally they are self-referred. Much of the therapy involves ascertaining which of the grief tasks has yet to be completed and what the impediments to this completion are, then making a forward step by addressing that particular issue.

(II) Masked as Somatic or Behavioral Symptoms:
Here the people are usually unaware that unresolved grief is the reason behind their symptoms. However, a simple diagnosis reveals unresolved grief of a much earlier loss as the root cause of the problem. People usually experience this kind of complicated grief reaction because at the time of the loss, the grief was absent or its expression was inhibited or suppressed. Consequently, their grieving was never completed and this caused complications that will be surfaced later as somatic or behavioral symptoms.

(III) Exaggerated Grief:
Here it is very difficult to define this type of grief very precisely because of the wide variety of manifestations that normal grief can take, but persons falling into this category would be those with excessive depression, excessive anxiety, or some other exaggerated problems, so that the person becomes dysfunctional and a psychiatric disorder diagnosis come into picture.

Grief therapy emphasizes the therapeutic goal of achieving emotional wellness after the loss or separation of a significant other through the grieving process. In some cases, specific cognitive-behavioral techniques for both grief counseling and grief therapy are available.

In grief therapy six tasks can be used to help a person to work through his/ her grief:

Develop the ability to experience, express, and adjust to painful grief-related changes.
Find effective ways to cope.
Establish a continuing relationship with the person who died/separated.
Stay healthy and keep functioning.
Reestablish relationships and understand that others may have difficulty empathizing with the grief he is experiencing.
Develop a healthy image of herself/himself and the world.

The following verbs are important steps in grief counseling/therapy:
Care, learn, attend, control, listen, accept, share, reinforce, innovate and finally refer if you need to do so.

APPROACHED USED IN GRIEF THERAPY:

As everyone grieves differently, the techniques of grief therapy in each and every individual is quite varied according to their needs. One person may simply want someone to sit and listen, while another might prefer spiritual counseling to help him or her work through and accept loss, some may need group therapy. So it is a mutual understanding between the therapist and the individual about the way the issue is to be addressed.

But if the grieving person feels uncomfortable with a counselor or therapist, then it will be difficult for him or her to process the grief and work through it. Therapists should try to understand this and may provide referrals to people whom they think would tackle that particular individual in his way.

A contract is set up with the individual that establishes the time limit of the therapy, the fees, the goals, and the focus of the therapy.

Counseling and therapy techniques include art and music therapy, meditation, creation of personalized rituals, bibliotherapy, journaling, communication with the deceased/separated (through writing, conversations, etc.), Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Schema Therapy, Interpersonal Psychotherapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR); bringing in photos or possessions that belonged to the person who has died, role playing, bearing witness to the story of the loved one, confiding in intimates, and participating in support groups.

With children and young people, mostly art and creative therapy techniques may be used. A Chinese proverb proclaims that a picture is worth a thousand words. When children experience a loss, they may not have the vocabulary to articulately express their grief or to be consoled. So in this case, art therapy is used to identify, name and draw their feelings related to the death of a loved one and then those feelings are addressed.

One more technique called the "empty chair" or Gestalt therapy technique is also an approach widely used by grief counselors and grief therapists. This technique involves having an individual talk to the deceased/separated in an empty chair as if that person were actually sitting there. After sometime, the same individual is made to sit in that chair and is asked to speak from that person's perspective. The dialogue will be in first person in the presence of a counselor or therapist.

HOW EFFECTIVE IS GRIEF THERAPY?

Various factors will determine the effectiveness of grief counseling or grief therapy. Some counselors and therapists make use of some instruments to measure the effectiveness of the therapy sessions. Others rely upon subjective comments from the client, his or her family, and also through behavior observations, cognitive responses, symptom relief, and spiritual discussions. Because grief is a process and not an event, what takes place along the grief journey may alter how one continues to cope and adapt to loss. It is not necessary that the person who has experienced a loss or multiple losses will face the future hardships very easily.

CONCLUSION:

Grief counseling and grief therapy are metaphorically learning to dance. Each one of us looks at the world through a different set of lenses and as a result, one's dances, steps, upbringing, hopes, dreams, and healing are dependent on many factors. Grief counseling and therapy are about sharing a person's journey before or after a death/separation. The focus here is being just a companion to them during difficult times and not rescuing or fixing them, by just listening to their stories and thoughts with an open mind and open heart. The grief counselor or therapist's role in helping others is to bring transitions and new beginnings for those individuals with whom they work.

Even though sometimes it seems easier to avoid confronting these feelings of grief, this approach is not a viable long-term solution. Buried grief can manifest itself later as physical or emotional illness and will affect those people and also their immediate family and friends. So working through your sorrow and allowing yourself to express your feelings by one way or the other will help you to heal. If grief is dealt with effectively it can initiate insight and otherwise if it is dealt with unskilfully, complications may arise.

Grief work is not easy. As it is said, “Grief is so high that you can’t get over it, so low that you can’t get under it, so wide that you can’t get around it. The only way to do it is to go through it”. Counselors and therapist and also pastors can be vital facilitators in the process of the grief. So rather than being impaired by all sorts of unhealthy responses towards grief, the bereaved can be helped to have new growth by acknowledging the loss, then to choose to live again by seeing the hope of new doors open in one’s life...

““For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55:8-9

Harnessing the Agulhas Sea Current – vital practical potential benefits exposed, yet thus far ignored….

HERE’S A “WORKING PLAN” HOW THE SOUTH AFRICAN GOVERNMENT CAN:

Create “SUSTAINABLE JOBS”

Eliminate “POVERTY”

Reverse “WATER SHORTAGES”

This PLAN is “Rapid-Results” and is Based on Science, and Practical Engineering.

OVERVIEW:

The Central Thrust of this PLAN is to Harness the “Green-Energy” force of the “Agulhas Current” which flows day and night, all year round – down the East Coast of South Africa.

The Site for this “Capturing and Harvesting” of this mighty energy, will exist in two places:

On-Shore: On the Beachfront Area – midway between East London and Durban – and –

Off-Shore: Directly Opposite – and within our twelve-mile, “State-Owned Territory” Limit.

THE POWER SOURCE:

This marvellous, “GREEN-ENERGY” POWER-SOURCE … Available 24 / 7 … 365 Days a Year! – called the “Agulhas Current” – runs roughly Southwest, on the edge of the East Coast of South Africa – at a speed, in certain places, of around 5 Knots … that’s the equivalent of a determined, full-on, “Jogging-Pace”. The raw force of this current is sufficient that “savvy” Ships-Captains deliberately steer clear of it, while travelling Northwards off our East Coast – avoiding the current’s head-on, “speed-impeding” effect … and on their South run, they deliberately steer into its awesome torrent – to augment their ship’s speed, by adding the speed of the current to it!

 THE MAIN PURPOSE FOR THIS PROJECT:

The main and abiding purpose of harnessing the Agulhas Current, is to generate electricity in quantities great enough to convert – through desalination – enormous and continuous amounts of sea water into fresh water, which we will use to Augment our Finite, Fast-Diminishing, “natural” supply of fresh water, by “topping-up” our country’s dams and reservoirs.

Integrated within this purpose, is the “Creation of Sustainable Jobs” – and the “Eradication of Poverty”, which providing these jobs, will enable. The implementation of this vast Plan, will be “highly labour-intensive” – providing employment for Literally Millions of our people!

Of Importance at the Outset! … I wish to emphasise, that my urging that we generate electricity, using the “Agulhas Current” as the prime-mover, IS NOT intended to “compete” with Eskom … NOR, to “compete” with other, proven and operating, “green energy” systems, such as Wind / Solar / etc … NOR even, at this stage, to add the resultant generated-power, to the National Grid. - Quite the opposite!

THE METHODOLOGY:

Our entire purpose must be to use this natural, green-energy source, as a “stand-alone” Electricity-Generation System, to power exclusively, the operation of any number of “on-shore” Desalination Plants – as many as we need build – the essential purpose of which – let’s remind ourselves once more – is to augment our country’s finite, and precariously diminishing, fresh-water resources – predicted to be “in short supply”, within 12 years time!

Additionally – that same electricity supply will be employed to drive Pumping-Stations across our land – which will push this newly-desalinated, fresh water, through pipelines leading to our countrywide, dams and reservoirs, to “top them up” …

And as much as the amount of Free “take-off” available to us from the Agulhas Current, is absolutely endless … so too, is our decision without limits – as to the number of “Vessels” we employ in the harnessing of this power, as that will simply be “as many as are needed”.

“So?” – you ask – “How’s it all going to work?” Let me invoke Albert Einstein’s appropriate saying, here … “Imagination Is Everything!” … and I ask you please, to fully utilise Your imaginative capacity – as you participate in my “Scenarios” I will build here – which most certainly will require more “fine tuning” by a team of “Engineering Project-Managers”, toward their “final go-ahead”, for implementation. The “revision” of plans laid, is a natural and evolutionary process in any discipline. So do feel free, please – Afterwards! – to associate your own, “better-working” ideas, with mine.

Meanwhile … here’s MY “Vision”:

Remember, please, that at Every Step along the way, everything we will build – will man – and maintain … will largely be done by “The Presently Unemployed” folk in our country!

While we solve our Water Shortages, we are simultaneously going to create Millions of Sustainable, Meaningful JOBS! – and Put an End to POVERTY!

Also to bear in mind – given the enormity of the Project, in size and scope – and that the “Off-Shore Sites” for our ‘Vessels’ will be within our territorial limits of 12 miles, making it “State-Owned Property” – is the fact that this will of necessity be a “Government Enterprise”. But no doubt, it will prove an attractive “partnership” with Government – for the Private Sector, and / or Overseas Investors.

THE “CURRENT-HARNESSING” MECHANISM:

We are not the only folk to turn to ocean currents and tides. This is fortunate, as there has been much research done by others, into the best mechanisms to employ for the purpose. For instance – the United States Naval Academy has perfected a propeller to capture the useful force of relatively slow-moving water like the Agulhas Current – the design being based on the tail-features of the Humpback whale. And given Our Own Navy’s positive reciprocity with their American counterparts, we should have no difficulty in asking them to share their research and designs with us, so that we can create the very best “current-capturing” propellers to use in our own Project.

The pressure of the sea-current on the blades turns the propeller – which is then “harnessed” to other mechanisms, to produce useful work. And in “My Own Vision”, this translates into the individual propeller, either directly driving an electricity-generator, and sending the resultant power onshore by way of suitable power cables, to the Desalination Plants … or … directly driving powerful pumps – sending seawater through a pipeline, immediately from the “vessel”, onto the land.

In the First Instance here, the “cabled“ electricity will drive land-based pumps which extract water from the ocean, and pass it on to reservoirs where it can “settle”, and from which the Desalination Plants will draw their constant supply for processing into fresh water.

In the Second Instance above, the seawater coming ashore in the pipeline, will also enter the reservoirs … but on its way there, it will first be directed through the intakes of Hydro-Electric Generators, the power from which, will be used to operate the desalination plants. Another purpose to which the reservoirs can be put, during their operation, is that they can possibly be co-opted into use as “Seawater Fish-Farms” – useful to feed the workers! Further inland, this same enterprise, can be employed to create “Fresh-Water Fish Farms”

THE KIND OF “VESSELS” WE NEED TO WORK WITH, IN THE AGULHAS CURRENT:

In my opinion, our ideal “Vessel”, is an “Oil-Rig” – Especially Adapted to our Project’s use.

An Oil-Rig is designed and built to be stable, and withstand the most violent seas – it can be anchored so well, it will not be dislodged from its position – it can be moved, when and if required – it has all the “crew-comfort” facilities one can wish for – it has, already built in, all the mechanisms to keep it “self-contained” – it has a helicopter landing pad, for ferrying in supplies – and most importantly – it has lifting gear already fitted … but in our instances, we will be raising and lowering our Propellers … instead of “oil-drilling” mechanisms!

Why, we would need to easily move our Propellers up and down, is a matter of “preventive maintenance” – e.g. – if we have a “pod” of, say, 6 Propellers on a rig … 5 should always be operating “down below” – and one, pro-rata, hoisted up for routine inspection and service.

Remember this, as you employ your creative, innovative imagination … while envisioning these scenarios I’m painting here … we can have just as many of these “rigs” of ours, as needed, working continuously in the current – either singly, or in concert – depending on what predetermined duties and results are expected of each of these units.

Singapore is a part of the world which has “Renowned" Builders of oil rigs – ready and willing to “take orders” – and for them to custom-build the kind of “rigs” we need, will be a pushover – since they are already in this specialised business!

PARTIAL LIST OF ON-SHORE EQUIPMENT AND FACILITIES WE WILL NEED …

Includes the Desalination Plants themselves … enormous engineering workshops of every possible description: pumps, pipelines, “underwater-engineering”, storage facilities for engineering supplies, workers’ accommodation, administration buildings, etc/ etc.

WHERE ARE THESE KINDS OF EQUIPMENT & ANCILLARY SERVICES AVAILABLE?

A useful resource you can explore for this, is an internet site called “TradePub.com” who have available, literally hundreds of specialist publications – “MarineLog” and their weekly Newsletter, being one I have subscribed to – which has been very useful in the research of this document.

But naturally, we should “try local”, before we go abroad for our needs – assuming always of course, that “local” has kept up with the latest advances in their respective fields!

ADDITIONAL “JOB-CREATING” FACILITIES WHICH WILL BE REQUIRED:

Seeing that the “newly-fresh” water, needs to be moved around the country, we will need pipelines to be laid, pumping-stations to be erected, roads to be built, tunnels to be dug, additional reservoirs to be built, earthworks to be performed – the list goes on and on …

And so massive and involved will be the Project, that over a relatively short time, the support-base for the Onshore Site cannot help but become a Whole New Town – (“Azania”?) – The design of which can be of totally African Origin – and can be planned for – and work commenced on it – utilising our presently unemployed, from first “get-go” of this Project.

It should be blatantly evident that “JOB CREATION” … Skilled and Unskilled … is in “full-swing” here! – for the Long-Term Benefit of south Africa and its Peoples!

LET’S LOOK NOW AT THE “DESALINATION” PLANTS:

Not to bore you with the details – take it “as read” that I have “looked around” pretty well – and finally I have come across a company which seems way out in front of all the others, in that they have developed methodologies which are much more efficient and effective.

Look them up on the internet: “Plus Technologies IP Holding GmbH” – and see what I mean. Along with that, they are a German company – so, we can have high expectations!

An important instance of their advanced thinking is this that they have methods for processing the “residual sea-salt” from the desalination process, into some of its natural, Constituent Chemicals – which have the following useful and saleable features – making what would otherwise be a “bothersome waste-product”, into a thriving profit-centre:

Purified Brine – for industrial applications

Purified Table Salt – for human consumption and food manufacturing processes

Magnesium Hydroxide Powder – used in waste-water treatment and flame retardants

Calcined Gypsum Powder – used in large quantities in the Construction Industries

So its Evident … Such a desalination-plant will more than cover its “board and lodging”!

SO … WHERE IS THE COASTAL SITE FOR THE DESALINATION PLANTS TO BE?

The ideal site must obviously be opposite that particular length of the Agulhas Current, where – as near as possible – this “desirable permutation” exists …

 A) the Agulhas Current is closest to the shore,

B) it is as near the surface as possible,

C) and is running at its strongest, fastest, speed.

That will be where – in the ocean – our current-harnessing “rigs” will be working. And opposite that – on the coast – will be situated the Desalination Plants.

I have an impression, from satellite images I've accessed during Internet searches I've made, that this area might be somewhere between 30 to 35 degrees latitude -- between East London and Durban ... but hey! -- That’s just an assumption on my part!

What is needed, to help take the "guesswork" out of it – is much more qualified opinions. Perhaps the South African Navy’s “Hydrographic Survey” Department, and the “CSIR”, who have made a survey of the Agulhas Current.

WATER SHORTAGES:

Our “natural” potable water-supply, is being Outstripped by Demand. So all we’re really doing with “conservation and management”, is – “Putting Off The Evil Hour!” … until our natural water-supply can no longer cope – and we run short … We have to Urgently AUGMENT our Fresh-Water Supply, through the

Desalination of Sea Water! – And distribute it, Countrywide! BUT HAPPILY! … Because that whole process – from implementation – to distribution – to ongoing maintenance – will be hugely LABOUR-INTENSIVE; therein exists the ADDITIONAL Solution!! – That of providing Sustainable EMPLOYMENT – for Literally Millions!

Anyone imposing a “good reason” for the Solution herein, NOT to be applied – should either have a “better plan” … or take the full blame for their choice of the “Looming Consequences” they’re allowing to be visited upon us! TIME is not on our side! Let’s not be “part of the problem” through our INACTION!

Let’s safeguard our future! … Let us together, “take the pain away” from the country of South Africa. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prepared by Concerned South African Patriot – Len Stevens – January, 2012. 3 Oxenham Court, Sangrove, Rondebosch 7700 – Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa – 021-689-5430 – 082-738-1246 lenstevens@telkomsa.net

This draft is edited and abridged - Stafford

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS PLAN: (First Draft was prepared in December, 2009).

My name is Len Stevens. I am a South African Patriot. My first career was that of a Marine Engineer Officer in the Merchant Navy – so I am personally familiar with the Agulhas Current – and the practical “Mechanics” of the Project are within my expertise to discuss.

Intermittently over the last 5 years, I have studied the feasibility of harnessing the Agulhas Current, for the good of my Country – and developed this “Operational Plan” which – while being altogether practical and achievable – can be put into immediate effect, simply “By Government Edict” – the site of it, as already mentioned, being on “State-Owned” property. The immediate “implementation” of this PLAN Is Vitally Important! – to relieve the festering discontent of the myriad unemployed of our Country, by providing Millions of Meaningful, Sustainable Jobs – and in the process? – constructing a completely-new Town. Important! I do not have nor seek any Personal Role  in the Implementation of this Project.

Monopoly on wheelbarrows...

Probably the most capitalistic board game around is ‘Monopoly’. So it was surprising to learn that a Chinese imitation of it is also a popular game in Beijing and Shanghai. There are some minor differences in the Chinese version. All the tokens, for instance, are wheelbarrows - no plutocratic top hats, sports cars and the like. And in the Chinese imitation, you can't pay a fine to get out of jail. Lawbreakers have to serve their time. – I kind of like that aspect… As for trumped-up medical parole – take your wheelbarrow and go and do some community service!

I’ve been thinking and reading about how deep in human nature was the idea of a family, and how false the denial of that idea - as in Plato and in all collective systems - and especially in the present tendency to separate out sensuality and value it apart from procreation, recreation and, yes, even Creation. New beginnings, makeovers, do-overs, fresh starts, children are the everlasting new start; life springing up again, joyous and undefiled. I know that everybody, every idea, every family, and even every child will make every mistake that I have made (well most of them), commit the same sins, be tormented by the same passions, as sure as I know that a green shoot pushing up from the earth must ripen and fall back, dead, on to the same earth; yet this does not take away from the wonder and beauty of new beginnings, fresh starts, children or a new resolution – may God bless and enhance your day in newness! (“,)

Blessings abounding and shared

Whatever happened to treats? Finding a four-year-old who isn't jaded, jet-lagged and ‘big-city’-jaundiced is more difficult than finding a Tibetan yak-herder who knows about time-sharing.

Practically all kids seem to get video games, iPod,  iPad  and cell phones for their birthdays, fly to Sun City or some resort, take their holidays in Mauritius and have mapped out their careers before they have their permanent teeth - I'd rather not even go into the demands, expectations and wants of the typical modern teenager.

A treat used to be buying an ice lolly after school; being let off piano practice because you were running in the school sports; buying your first CD (seven-single or cassette); going to a movie without your parents; being allowed to pass around the snacks at the New Year party. If you were really fortunate, birthdays had jelly in half oranges, an ice-cream cake, tins of toffees, your first pair of nylons, a new elastic for your ‘ding-bat’, Monopoly ... As for your first aeroplane journey, why, that had you lying awake in an agony of anticipation for weeks…

There is, of course, nothing blatantly wrong about according and affording all the above – I just wonder how many are actually made aware to know, appreciate and savour these ‘treats’ with the correct amount of gratitude; moreover, the correct type of gratitude. Enjoying and sharing in the benefits of someone else's blessings is one of the gifts we seldom count amongst our own blessings. On the contrary they are the finest of all blessings, because they are shared blessings…

Let me take this opportunity to thank all of you who share your blessings with me, most times unknowingly, now there is the greatest blessing of all! God bless ~ Stafford

Steps to live again...

Over a year has passed since my dear friend, lover and confidante chose, or was reportedly compelled, to break ties with me; and yet every day is still filled with pain. Will I ever be happy again?

My unhappiness is a bottomless cup. I know I must be cheerful, liv­ing in a loving family and having good friends, yet gloom haunts me… Something has to change or I shall be sick. Clearly my situation is not going to change; therefore, I shall have to change. But how?

I have given much thought to my predicament and I have devised a simple set of rules by which I plan to live. I intend this to be a daily exercise. I pray that the plan will some­how deliver me from my dismal swamp of despair. It has to…

I have formulated the following simple strategy, in effect, rules-to-live-by; and will endeavour and resolve to do the following every day:

1. Do something for someone else.

2. Do something for myself.

3. Do something I don't want to do that needs doing.

4. Do a physical exercise.

5. Do a mental exercise.

6. Do an original prayer that al­ways includes counting my blessings.

I lim­ited myself to six rules because I feel that number to be "manage­able." Here are some of the things I have since done, and do, to fulfill my six assignments.

Something for someone else. I would like to think that my messages of inspiration or advice I blog or post on the social networks, quite cover this daily activity; but something is still lacking. My idea, of really doing something for someone else, would be something physical - or at least more tangible and personal for a particular individual. Visiting a sick, or even just lonely, friend makes up for this lack. I also always try and have an item or two available for our local rag-and-scrap guy. Tossing the odd coins to a street-beggar does little to satisfy my need to indulge this assignment… but when I can, I do.

Something for myself. At "doing something for your­self" we all probably can excel. I began with a friend’s idea of bath therapy - A bath should be the ultimate place of relaxation. Gather lemon, mint, laven­der and rose geranium. Steep the dried leaves in boiling water for 15 minutes and strain into the tub. Lie in the bath with your eyes closed, and do not think while soaking. Let the tensions of the day melt away. It is sensational. – The occasional sauna at the gym also does wonders, but is not a pleasure I get to indulge in too often. I started a herb garden of my own with a view to making up herbal sachets for Christmas gifts. In so doing some­thing for myself I can turn it into doing something for someone else. I also really enjoy doing my own laundry – from machine-wash to iron-folded. There is a tremendous joy I derive from wearing a fragrant garment, laundered by myself!

Something I don't want to do. There is no heroism attached to this assignment. It has covered things like vacuuming the bed-bugs from my mattress to detailing the grease off the under-carriage of the car. Some of the worst include tidying up the bathroom ‘airing’ cupboard (very little of its content required airing – more like chucking), cleaning the leaves from the garage roof and gutters to shaving, or at least, trimming my beard… self-manicures and pedicures, hair treatments, eye-brow, ear and nose hair plucking sort of cover a lot of this aspect… lol

Physical exercise. Surprisingly I have taken to walking quite well. I enjoy the walks to the shops, or to familial or friends’ houses for a visit. Most times I walk alone, and the perambulatory solitude leaves much time for meditation and reflection. However, I must endeavour to start a gym programme. I don’t feel too bad though, the odd jobs and help I give to neighbours and family also lends me to quite a bit of physical activity. And yes, taking the on-going chores around my home into account as well, this has become a daily exercise.

Mental exercise. The "mental exercise" was also challenging. I have neglected reading for too long. Bible readings, I decided were more suited for the ‘original prayer’ facet. I decided on poetry. Emily Dickinson’s works sent me into orbit - "I dwell in possibility," wrote Emily. Marvellous words. To blog and post my social network updates on-line, I do quite a bit of reading (book and internet), always with a view to finding some gem of wisdom to share. Biographies, anecdotes and quotations are my favourite sources - if not for onward sharing; then just to ‘feed’ my own soul.

To my surprise, I had trouble with No 6…

Original Prayer did not come as easily as I had presumed. My utterings always felt contrived and empty. I can't concentrate in church, I find myself appraising the people’s outfits. Eventually I discovered a solution: when I sit in solitude on a rock, or rise, overlook­ing God’s natural beauty, I can pray. I ask the Lord to help me bloom where I am planted, and then I count my blessings, always beginning with my family and good friends, with­out whom I would be alone and lost.

We are all involved, actors and victims alike, we all need to become aware that we all fight the battle against darkness. It will prove worthwhile to heed the following wise words: "I alone can take the initiative to escape from 'the sarcophagus of self.” - The sarcophagus of self. Beware not to become buried in your own ego. Sometimes the thing you dread doing is the very thing you should do, just so you can stop thinking about it.

The prayer assignment is the most helpful of all. I strive now to make up a short prayer every day, and I always include some thanksgiving in it. Writing a prayer isn't always easy, but it's a valuable spiritual discipline. I don't always have a meditation rock, but I do have a few special places where I can attend to that inner voice.

I don't worry how well I fulfill the six rules, as long as I do them daily. I will give myself credit for just one letter written, or one drawer cleaned out, and it's surprising how good feelings about a small accomplishment often en­able me to go on and do more.

Can life be lived by a formula? All I know is that since I started to live by those six precepts, I've be­come more involved with others and, hence, less "buried" in myself. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I have adopted the motto: "Bloom where you are planted."

I do not think of the ‘lost’ person that often (what or who she is doing now is too painful to imagine), I think of a lost ‘us’ – what could have been; and in my best moments, ‘what still might be!’

Love you ~ Stafford

Learning Discernment…

A wise man led me to a cordon of stately trees surrounding his pasture. He hoped the parable they held for him would serve for me as well I knew him to be a wise man, living in seclusion with his wife, but willing, he said, to receive me if I were ever in his part of the world.

I had heard him speak years before and had recently read several of his books. Now I was seeking him out because I had hopes his wisdom might relieve the gnawing melancholy that darkened my days. Financial losses, love denied and an old disability had combined to take much of the savour from my life.

On a clear, late-winter day, I found him on his farm, surrounded by fields and woodlands shrouded in snow. After years of writing and lecturing and helping others, as a minister and "physician to the soul," he was now applying his own wisdom to himself. He had been struck down by a stroke. It left him paralyzed on his right side and unable to speak. The original prognosis had been grave. They told his wife, of over 50 years, that recovery of speech was unlikely. Yet within a few weeks he had regained his ability to talk and he was determined to recover still more of his faculties.

He rose to greet me. He was a distinguished-looking man of middle height, moving slowly, aided by a cane, with an unmistakable sparkle in his gaze. He led me into his study. It was lined with books, new and old, all surrounding a desk on which sat a word processor and reams of papers and magazines. He said he was glad to hear that his books had helped me. They had, indeed, I said, but still, a series of setbacks had added up to a sorrow I wasn't sure I could master.

"Then, in a sense, you're grief-stricken, "he said. But I hadn't yet lost anyone really close to me, I protested.

"Nevertheless, what you're going through is related to grief. What's essential is to mourn your losses fully and find solace by learning to live with them." People who don't, he added, wind up bitter and disillusioned by sorrow. They're unable to find solace. But others who creatively use the act of mourning can gain new sensitivity and a richer faith. "That's why you so often hear that we have to talk out our feelings, express our emotions. That's part of the mourning process. Only then can healing follow.

"Let me show you something," he offered, pointing through the window to a stand of bare sugar maples, stolidly facing the sharp winds that plucked at their barren branches and sent a dusting of yesterday's snowfall shimmering down. A former owner had planted the maples around the perimeter of a one-hectare pasture.

We walked out from a side door and moved slowly on the crunching snow to the pasture. It was a rocky expanse rife with grass and wild flowers in summer, but now brown and wizened by frost-kill. Strung between each large tree, I noticed, were strands of old barbed wire.

"Sixty years ago the man who planted these trees used them to fence in this pasture, and saved a lot of work digging fence-post holes. It was a trauma for the young trees to have barbed wire hammered into their tender bark. Some fought it. Others adapted. So you can see here, the barbed wire has been accepted and incorporated into the life of this tree - but not of that one over there."

He pointed to an old tree severely disfigured by the wire. "Why did that tree injure itself by fighting against the barbed wire, while this one here became master of the wire instead of its victim?" The nearby tree showed no marks at all. Instead of the long, anguished scars, all that appeared was the wire entering on one side and emerging on the other - almost as if it had been inserted by a drill bit.

"I've thought a lot about this grove of trees," he said as we turned to go back to the house. "What internal forces make it possible to overcome an injury like barbed wire, rather than allowing it to distort the rest of life? How can one person transform grief into new growth instead of simply allowing it to become a life-destroying intrusion?"

He could not explain what happened to the maples, he admitted. "But with people," he continued, "things are much clearer. There are ways to confront adversity and work your way through that mourning period. First, you try to keep a youthful outlook. Then you don't bear grudges. And perhaps most important, you make every effort to be kind to yourself. That's the tough one. You have to spend a lot of time with yourself, and most of us tend to be far too critical. Sign a peace treaty with yourself, I say. Forgive yourself for the silly mistakes you've made."

After another pensive glance at the maple grove, he led the way back into the house. "If we are wise in the way we handle grief, if we can mourn promptly and fully, the barbed wire doesn't win. We can overcome any sorrow, and life can then be lived triumphantly. I try to keep a growing edge on my life, seeking new knowledge, new friendships, new experience," he continued, glancing over to the computer and half a dozen new books on his desk. He had been waging his own battle. He was still frustrated by his partially paralyzed right side, but he wasn't conceding defeat.

"We can use our painful experiences as excuses for retreat. Or we can accept the promises of resurrection and rebirth." His gaze turned towards the snow-mantled pasture across the road. "You have your problems. I have my own struggles. I'll work on mine," he offered, "if you work on yours."

I thanked him, and promised I would, and then we shook hands. We had a deal. I felt I had won some new understanding - and now had a strategy for handling my sorrows.

As I drove down the valley, I could glimpse his farm across the meadows. The wind toyed with the lofty tops of those living fence posts, which, though still mysterious, had so much to say to all of us.

Look for God in all things; His lessons abound everywhere! ~ Stafford

Lesson Dealt...

Over the years I have encountered and heard about people with every kind of trouble under the sun; and it has left me with one clear conviction: in case after case, the difficulty could have been overcome, or might never have arisen, if the men and women involved had only treated each other with common courtesy.

Courtesy, politeness, good manners - call it what you will, in our hectic society the supply never seems to equal the demand. Human beings everywhere hunger for courtesy, and are repelled by the lack of it. As quoted by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Good manners are the happy way of doing things.” And the reverse is equally true: bad manners can ruin a day - or wreck a friendship.

Most of us, I think, have the uneasy feeling that “common courtesy” was much more common in Emerson’s day than it is in ours. Why should this be so? One explanation is that courtesy isn’t emphasized and enforced the way it was a century or even a generation ago. “Mind your manners,” my mother used to caution us as children whenever we were invited anywhere. There is a simple difference between manners and morals - your morals aren’t always showing; your manners are.

Good manners are a reflection of inner strength and assurance. Indeed, they promote such assurance by eliminating hostility and suspicion. “If we treat people long enough with that pretended liking called politeness,” a wise man has said, “we shall find it hard not to genuinely like them in the end.” If courtesy is such an asset, why is it so uncommon? The blunt reason is that we’re all born self-centred. Good manners require us to place other people’s needs on a level with our own - and learning to do this consistently can be a slow and painful process.

What are the basic ingredients of good manners? Certainly a sense of justice is one; in fact, courtesy very often is nothing more than a highly developed concept of fair play. The story is told of a man driving along a narrow, mountain dirt road. Ahead was another car that produced clouds of choking dust. It was a long way to the tarred highway. Suddenly, the car ahead pulled off the road. The man stopped and asked if anything was wrong. “No,” said the other driver, “but you’ve endured my dust this far; I’ll put up with yours the rest of the way.” This was unexpected, heartening courtesy.

Another ingredient of good manners is modesty. Any attempt to claim special credit for yourself is a departure from true politeness. Implicit in the exhortation to “mind your manners” is the inescapable fact that no one else can mind them for you. The problem is yours, and it lasts a lifetime because no one’s manners are ever perfect. Still, anyone can improve his or her manners by doing three things:
First, by practising courtesy. One simple way is to concentrate on your performance in a specific area for a day or even a week. Telephone manners, for example: how often do you speak abruptly, talk too long, keep people waiting, and fail to identify yourself? What about books on loan you haven’t returned, invitations you haven’t answered, casual promises you haven’t kept?

Second, by thinking courtesy. If your thoughts are predominantly self-directed, a discourteous and selfish person is what you will be. If you train yourself to be considerate, if you can acquire the habit of ‘identifying’ with the problems and hopes and fears of other people, good manners will follow almost automatically.

Nowhere is “thinking” courtesy more important than in a romantic/loving relationship. Novelist Arnold Bennett used to lament in his bachelor days that whenever two of his friends got married the “death of politeness” seemed to follow. Why does this happen? One reason, no doubt, is the very human (albeit erroneous) feeling that we don’t always have to be on our best behaviour with a loved one. Another is that in the intimacy of the home, where masks can be discarded, it is easy to take out frustration or anger on the handiest person - all too often a partner. The only remedy is to train yourself to “think” courtesy until it becomes a habit. When you find your anger getting out of control, force yourself for the next ten minutes to treat your partner as if he or she were a guest in your home. The theory is that if a pair can just impose ten minutes of good manners on themselves, the worst of the storm will blow over.

Finally, you can improve your manners by accepting courtesy, receiving it gladly, and rejoicing when it comes your way. Strangely, some people are suspicious of gracious treatment. They feel uneasy if kindness seems to come to them with no strings attached. But some of the most precious gifts in life come this way. You can’t buy a sunset, or earn the song of a bird. These are God’s courtesies to us, offered with love and no thought of reward or return. Good manners are, or should be, like that.

In the end, it all comes down to how you regard people - not just people in general but individuals. Indeed, politeness is good manners in action. A nice additional beatitude might be this: Blessed are the courteous.

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” -2 Chronicles 7:14 

Love's Definition... in a partnership

MOST couples will agree that a happy exclusive relationship requires an investment of time and energy. But, all too often, we see many couples become disenchanted if their efforts don’t yield immediate results. They quickly give up, deciding the relationship is too much work.


The happiest couples, however, approach their relationships differently. It is found that the secrets of their successful relationships revolve around certain precepts:

1. GOOD RELATIONSHIPS DON‘T JUST HAPPEN. Most of us grew up believing that love is magical and, ultimately, beyond our control. We don’t “decide” to love - we “fall” in love. But something is asked if love’s rewards are to be sustained. First, we must pay close enough attention to a loved one to genuinely understand his or her desires. Second, we must act on that knowledge. The quality of a relationship depends on the way two people treat each other; in good times and bad.  Relationships are never static; they are either growing or in decline Happy couples know that the vitality of their love is their own responsibility. They are active participants in the quest for lasting love.

 2. LOVE IS NOT EASILY DESTROYED. Almost all couples secretly fear that their relationship will stagnate and wither. Yet love rarely dies. It only appears to be absent because other feelings have been allowed temporarily to eclipse it. When bad things happen in a relationship; both partners need to protect themselves. Fearing hurt and rejection, they withdraw behind masks of indifference. Couples with good relationships understand, however, that the sweetness will return after the storm. Realizing this, they are able to survive crises that might well pull lesser relationships apart. To put this maxim into action, try to pause during a relational disagreement and remember what you felt for your partner right at the beginning of your relationship. Let your love override all the negative feelings of the moment.

3. MARRIAGE IS NOT A CURE-ALL. The rewards of marriage are so highly praised that people come to believe it is the antidote to salve old wounds, from childhood or former loves. But marriage is not a solution to personal problems. No matter how close your relationship, you and your partner will always be individuals before you are a ‘couple’. When we expect a mate to bolster our egos or compensate for our weaknesses, we are invariably disappointed, and our loved one feels resentful. We alone must take responsibility for our feelings of self-worth. The happiest couples know that for a marriage to last, both partners must first learn to love themselves. Otherwise, they will never feel worthy of another’s love.

4. LOVE IS ACCEPTANCE. Too often, we foolishly believe that love gives us license to remake someone. We try to smooth out our partner’s rough spots, even though in the process we may diminish the very qualities that endear that person to us. It won’t work. Even when a mate seems compliant, he or she will unconsciously resist the pressure to change or conform. Certainly, problems should be negotiated if they are making life intolerable. It may be worthwhile to reconsider the phrase “for better or worse.” It’s there to remind us that we all have shortcomings. Truly happy couples understand that love means accepting a mate’s flaws. They know that a person’s desire to change grows out of a sense of being accepted as be or she is.

5. LOVERS AREN’T MIND-READERS. One of the fantasies of love is that a mate is somehow completely attuned to our innermost thoughts and dreams. When a partner fails to anticipate these, we may feel sad, disappointed, or even betrayed. But it is simply not reasonable to expect a mate to guess what’s on our minds. Men and women who feel understood by their partners know that, ultimately, we are responsible for making ourselves known. When you tell your partner what you need and he or she responds to that request; that is a genuine indication of love.

6. THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALWAYS CHANGING. Most of us believe that a solid relationship doesn't alter from year to year. The truth is this that relationships inevitably change, just as individuals do. Couples who encounter the most difficulties are those who stubbornly resist change for fear that their love may not be strong enough to survive. Couples in enduring relationships have the flexibility to greet change with acceptance and a positive attitude. It is important to believe that the love between you and your mate is strong enough, and the trust great enough, to allow each other respect, latitude and room to grow.

7. INFIDELITY POISONS LOVE. “What my partner doesn’t know can’t hurt’ is a flimsy rationale for an affair. Even if it doesn't lead to a break-up, an affair can permanently damage the bond of love because it is a basic violation of the mutual commitment. When we respect our relational exclusivity, we feel comfortable with ourselves. We don’t have to worry about covering our tracks. But when we act dishonestly, we secretly know it and feel devoid of character. And we cannot love another person if we do not love ourselves.

8. LOVE DOESN’T BLAME. Before we commit to another, most of us take life’s lumps in stride. If things go well, we feel it is because we made the right choices. When they don’t, we understand that this, too, is the result of our own actions. - Then we strike up an exclusive relationship. If we are not careful, we begin making our partner the focus of blame: “If I'm unhappy, it’s because of you.” Partners are, unfortunately, the most convenient scapegoats. It’s easier to find fault with what he or she is doing than to examine how we have in fact created our own unhappiness. Such blame is not only unjust but also self-defeating, for it reinforces a sense of personal passivity.  Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of blaming. Assume a more affirmative posture in your relationship - and in life. The more responsibility you assume for the quality of your life, the happier you - and your partner - become.

9. LOVE IS UNSELFISH. While mature love requires a balance between giving and receiving, spontaneous unselfishness is the essence of love. Real love asks that we put our own needs on bold and respond to our mate’s - not endlessly not unilaterally; but often. In fact we feel more “in love” when giving to a partner than when receiving. Giving is contagious. It encourages reciprocity. Words of caution, however, don’t give to get, for that is unloving. Neither should you give unendingly to a partner who takes advantage of your loving intentions. The happiest relationships are those in which both partners give 100 percent - and receive 100 per cent in return.

10. LOVE FORGIVES. All couples hurt and disappoint each other at times. One of two things then happens: either we forgive or we slowly accumulate resentment. For love to last, we must be able to forgive. Simply shelving our feelings, or putting them out of mind, is not forgiveness; nor is explaining away the other person’s behaviour. Forgiving is a genuine, voluntary release of anger and hurt. And it is necessary in order for a relationship to flourish again.

In the final analysis, however, the most important rule of love is this: towards both your partner and yourself, behave only in ways that enhance your own self-worth, dignity and integrity. When you feel good about yourself, you possess both the confidence and the personal contentment which are necessary for love to remain truly alive.



You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:14,16

Burning Stress...

 We all play losing games at times and do things that are self-defeating or even self-destructive, things like not eating well, not getting enough sleep, working excessively long hours and getting too little exercise. Mismanaging time is another losing game. Procrastination, leaving for meetings at the last minute and spending too much time on low-priority tasks can considerably heighten your stress levels. Overload and feeling that there’s not enough time; are often cited as the leading complaints. Interestingly enough, we bring a lot of this on ourselves.

Particularly prone are perfectionists (who do things meticulously), workaholics (who live to work and then wonder where their lives went), over-thinker personalities (hard-driving, aggressive, competitive types who are always in a hurry), caretakers (who are so busy looking after everyone else they neglect themselves) and pleasers (who can’t say no and often compromise themselves avoid conflict or to be well-liked).

What can we do to change our losing games?

Set limits. Don’t let work encroach upon your relationship and/or home life. Learn to say “No.” There are times you simply have to draw the line. Honesty with tact will stand you in good stead.

Take time-outs. Most people think they can go all day without a break - and still turn out good work and enjoy what they’re doing. We have cycles of high and low energy throughout the day. They’re called ultradian rhythms and each lasts about two hours. We all experience the lows (where we yawn, lose our concentration, make mistakes), but most of us try to push through these lulls, or jazz ourselves up with coffee and/or pills. It is actually recommended that taking a 20-minute break every couple of hours will give your body a chance to rejuvenate itself for the next cycle. Power naps, short walks, meditation, day-dreaming, socialising, listening to music or doing low-concentration tasks are all ways to take short timeouts. By taking a 10 or 20-minute break every couple of hours, you can significantly increase your productivity and more than make up for the lost time.

Make room for leisure. Many people feel guilty when they indulge in leisure because they consider it selfish. I used to think leisure meant rest and relaxation. In fact, it comes from the Latin root licere and it means permission. Anything you do out of freedom and choice is technically a leisure activity (as opposed to the duty and obligation that run so much of our lives). The reason there’s so little leisure time is that we have stopped giving ourselves permission to have it.

Put money in perspective. Living in debt can be another losing game, and changing the way we think about money can help. The argument is raised that after we meet our survival needs and acquire some comforts and even a few luxuries, the satisfaction we get from purchases actually decreases the more we buy. In short, more spending; brings less fulfillment. So ask yourself, “how much is enough?”

Know yourself. For many people, their job is a big part of their identity - which is fine to a point. But such close identification can lead to problems. Losing your job is bad enough, but if your self- image is tied up in the job you’ve just lost, you can also lose a sense of who you are. Similarly, if your self-image is bound to your professional performance, a bad day at the office can send you home feeling worthless. To those who over identify with their role, remember this motto: “Your job is what you do, not who you are.”

Stress has become a fact of life - but it need not become a way of life. Most of the stress that most of us experience is actually self-generated. The key is to recognise when you’re playing a losing game and stop long enough to consider an alternative. What have you got to lose?

Be kind and gentle with yourself – it’s infectious ~ Stafford

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” -Philippians 2:5-8

The Big Bang, Evolution, and other Myths

The Big Bang, Evolution, and other Myths - YouTube


by Ricardo Torres

As a storyteller, I normally leave the responsibility of seeking proof and establishing facts using the scientific method to those whose responsibility it is to do so; I'm not particularly concerned about knocking down this or that paradigm, either. I merely find paradigms limiting to thought, including scientific thought.

At some point in history, art and science were officially subcategories of philosophy, and on some level they still are. To be more specific: on the dramatic level. The history of science is astoundingly dramatic; but the dramatist in me does not view it as a development; and whether scientific thought has actually been developing since the ancient Egyptians; or merely fluctuating, gaining some info while losing focus, isn't really my concern (except as a storyteller).

What I'm really, really interested in, though, is the psychological aspect of many, if not all, discoveries. Man is a creature of association: a concept in music will have an analogous concept in geology; one can draw parallels between chemistry and poetry; architecture and ice hockey; physics and theatre. There are a lot fewer elemental entities in the Universe than most people imagine.

With that in mind, I decided to explore the Big Bang theory and the Evolutionary theory from the psychological point of view; to establish what, strictly speaking, inspired Darwin and Lemaitre to come up with their ideas. The results of this quest turned out to be pretty dramatic. I've put together a video about this research; it is in the form of a story; a literary documentary; a fictional account of historical events, condensed and presented to both the pro and the layman as an adventure novel in cinematographic terms. It is 1 hr and 20 min long; it has the structure of a feature film: you skip or miss a few seconds, and the structure will crumble.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51FKD6LBgeA&feature=youtu.be

Thoroughly entertaining and thought-provoking ~ Stafford

THE human brain is one of the most wonderful things in the entire universe. Most of us think of it as a delicate mechanism, which it is; but it is also sturdy and durable, a far more useful tool than is generally realized - use it!!! - Isn't God amazing!