I am WOMAN... HEAR ME (full-stop)

Few women really think they’re beautiful - or beautiful enough. For example, a married woman might gaze at pictures of her wedding, when she was a slim young woman in love with her new husband. Now when she looks in the mirror, she sees an overweight mother of two. Her clothes are actually only one size larger than they were on her wedding day 10 years earlier, but she sees herself as fat.

Despite decades of feminism, women get the message that it still pays to be beautiful, just as in the days of fairy tales. With all the pressure to be young and attractive, even the most beautiful women can feel that they come up short, and go to pieces when they gain a few kilograms or notice a few wrinkles. It can be difficult for a man to understand why a woman doesn’t think she’s pretty when she looks perfectly fine to him.

But telling her she’s beautiful in some vague way doesn’t help. She needs a specific compliment “I like that haircut” or “You look great in red.” By focusing on the details, a man demonstrates that he is paying attention, really looking at her, and this is the kind of comment that can boost a woman’s self-esteem.
The corollary is not to answer with complete honesty questions such as “Am I too fat?” or “Do I look old?” Instead, answer with love. Positive feedback gives a woman incentive to dress up, which in turn can help keep romance alive.

Women need a sympathetic ear. A simple conversation can be a different event to a man and a woman. For a man, a conversation is a way to define a problem, debate the rights and wrongs, and find a solution. To do that, he may repeatedly interrupt the woman until she “understands” the point he’s making.

But a woman would rather have a friendly ear from a man, than advice. Women more often view conversation as a way of sharing their emotions with the listener. They talk until they feel better. One woman I met, who commutes a long distance to work, returned home during a violent thunderstorm and told her husband how nervous it made her to drive on back roads in the storm. “Well, you should take the freeway,” replied her husband. “It’s an extra 24 kilometres, but it’s worth it.”
The woman knew the location of the freeway. She wanted from her husband an acknowledgment of her anxiety - “I know it can be pretty lonely out there” - accompanied, perhaps, by a welcome- home hug.

A man who wants to get through to a woman conversationally needs to tap into emotions rather than solutions. And, often, that can mean just listening.

Men stay away from personal and emotional issues, which is exactly where women like to steer their conversations. Women are interested in the players - one another. The men are interested in the action. Neither is right or wrong. Both partners - but especially men - should be aware that words are typically perceived more negatively than they were intended. A mild compliment will be thought of as a neutral statement; and a neutral statement will be heard as negative. Positive statements can prevent many misunderstandings and mean a lot to relational happiness.

An excellent exercise for couples is to take extra time to talk about themselves - not about the children or their jobs. For half an hour she talks about herself and he listens. Then he talks about himself for half an hour. These hours of communication interrupt the usual, practical dialogue between partners, allowing them to discover each other anew. Eventually it can bring back the excitement of the courtship days when they were first getting acquainted.




The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years

When we enter into any kind of relationship, be it friendship or a romantic relationship. Each person gives to the other, the gift of trust and love, this is when we can be at our most vulnerable, we can feel betrayed if something goes wrong. Treat each other well, give each other the compassion, understanding, respect, and honour that you would wish to receive yourself. Each and every day the bond will strengthen itself between you, the gift of friendship is the best gift indeed.

Just a messenger... ~ Stafford xx