Delusional Sex

The studies into the sex life of men and women err grievously by omitting the only detail of real importance. They deal with the purely animal rather than the deeply human aspects of the subject. They bestow an aura of ‘scientific’ approval upon the great modern delusion:
that sex is a competitive indoor sport, which, like bridge or table tennis, can be mastered by studying technique and practicing as often as possible with as many partners as can be induced to play.

The investigators failed to ask the question crucial to human beings: What was the emotional quality of the moments of love-making? They seem to regard love as an athletic contest in which the number of lovers and the frequency of sex adventure - the scoring record, so to speak - are more important than the quality of the experience. The resulting reports are therefore confusing to men and women already disturbed about sex, increasing their anxiety and reducing their confidence in themselves as human beings.

Victims of the sex delusion learn that the act they have been led to believe is exhilarating and ecstatic can be mechanical and lifeless, often bringing bitterness and self-doubt instead of the mood of serenity and emotional fulfillment.

This expected mood can never occur without love. There can be no ecstasy unless the sex act expresses love for the other person. Love is an intense awareness of the loved one, a feeling of respect for him or her as a human being and an instinctive recognition that the needs of the other person are as important to you as your own needs.

But all too many people make love to anonymous blobs in the darkness. They go through the motions of sex without knowing any true sexual fulfillment. Where there is hostility and resentment, boredom and mutual disparagement in a relationship, nothing vital is going to happen sexually, no matter how frequently you ‘made-out’ while growing up; and even if you have never acquired any horrible “religious inhibitions.”

The essential attitude of mutual respect cannot be forced. Nor can it be obtained by memorizing books on sex technique. Therapy centres and psychoanalysts are crowded with men and women who think all they need is to be fixed up in the sex department. They think they are “frigid” or “impotent” - or something. They discover that there is a more fundamental sickness in their souls, and that they will not be capable of warmth and intimacy with another person until that sickness is healed.

Granted, to be so guilt-ridden and repressed that one is afraid of sexual urges is a sign of personal maladjustment. But it is equally true that sexual promiscuity or experimentation, without tenderness and affection, is no less destructive. Persons incapable of real love, who look upon it as a physical appetite or a sport, usually lead frustrated and lonely lives. Without love and mutual respect, the act of sex is barren and self-defeating. 

Love and God bless ~ SB

Life is not about the people who act true to your face. It's about the people who remain true behind your back...