If someone endeavouring to enter into this complex of relationships is unable to share their circumstances and unwilling to accept the support that this network lends; then that is their problem; and more so, their loss.
You should be under no obligation to make any immediate specific changes to your life to appease their expectations or pander to their circumstances; it is a natural progression - if they genuinely want to be part of your life - compromises, adjustments and empathy will flow to offer the unconditional protection and goodwill of the autonomous group to their needs.
If they won't - or feel they can't - 'bend' to this embrace it is truly a heart-breaking fact that there is absolutely nothing you can do about this reality. For their pain is unavoidable. And sadly the suffering they are experiencing is a road they prefer; because any suffering is a choice we make when working through the pain. Pain always passes away long before the suffering is surrendered... We can only accept their choices; no matter how absurd and self-defeating it may seem to us; and pray for them from afar - I wish I had already learnt this lesson long ago; it would have saved a lot of wasted time, preserved so much beautiful hope and consequently kept pure love victorious...
People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you're fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.
I am me, plus my circumstances ~ Stafford
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” -Romans 12:15