I have always used humour to weather most storms, and have recently neglected this part of my wiring...
So to accomodate some remedial action, I cite a few of my favourites to brighten your day - Enjoy (?):
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Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for
six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on
the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God with a deep sigh of satisfaction proudly pointed
downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've
made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going
to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired MICHAEL still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For
example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and
wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've
placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent
of black people."
God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and
covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large
land mass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth.
There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an
exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be
modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found
traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working
and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world
as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them
superhuman, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired
and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
"What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCING!"
God replied wisely,
"Wait until you see the pompous loud-mouths I'm putting next to
them."
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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. "I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied.........
"You want two or four lanes on that bridge?"
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The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending
fences out on the range.
Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in
its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book
out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed,
"It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the
cover."
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And finally for now...
HUNDREDS OF TOP SCIENTISTS WORKED TOGETHER TO BUILD THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER- A MASTER BRAIN WITH THE INTELLECT TO ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS AND SOLVE ALL THE MYSTERIES OF THE WORLD. FINALLY IT WAS READY FOR ITS FIRST QUESTION. WITH TREMBLING HANDS ONE OF THE PROGRAMMERS FED IN THE QUERY: "HOW DID THE WORLD START?"
LIGHTS FLASHED, WHEELS WHIRRED. SWOLLEN MEMORY BANKS, PROCESSORS AND MICROCHIPS INTERFACED. THEN THE MACHINE ANSWERED: "SEE GENESIS."
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~ SB
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