Day 19 - Cultivating community

Community requires commitment.

Only the Holy Spirit can create real fellowship between believers. It takes both God's power and our effort to produce a loving community of believers. Unfortunately, many people grow up in families with unhealthy relationships, so they lack the relational skills needed for real fellowship.

CULTIVATING COMMUNITY TAKES HONESTY

While it is much easier to remain silent when others around us are harming themselves or others with a sinful pattern, it is not the loving thing to do.

Many fellowships have been sabotaged by fear - no one had the courage to speak up in the group while a member's life apart. Many church fellowships and small groups remain superficial because they are afraid of conflict.

Real fellowship, whether in a marriage, a friendship, or in a church, depends on frankness.

Until you care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers, you will never grow close to each other. (I had a 'confrontation' to deal with yesterday; and found it easier to broach my thoughts to the other party by way of an email letter - will learn how that worked out soon, I suppose...)

The Bible tells us that there is a right time and a right way to do everything. "Better devastation and embarrassment than damnation" it says. (I trust my timing, content and approach fulfilled the parameters)

CULTIVATING COMMUNITY TAKES HUMILITY

Pride builds walls between people; humility builds bridges.

We receive God's grace by humbly admitting that we need it. We develop humility by admitting our weaknesses, by being patient with others' weaknesses, by being open to correction and by allowing others the limelight.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

CULTIVATNG COMMUNITY TAKES COURTESY

Courtesy is respecting our differences, being considerate of each other's feelings and being patient with people who irritate us.

'Difficult' persons usually have special emotional needs, deep insecurities, irritating mannerisms or poor social skills. God put these people in our midst for both their benefit and ours. In a family acceptance is based on the fact that we belong to each other, so it all is an opportunity for growth and a test of fellowship.

We all have quirks and annoying traits. But community has nothing to do with compatibility. Real community happens when people know it is safe to share their doubts and fears without being judged.

CULTIVATING COMMUNITY TAKES CONFIDENTIALITY

People will open up in a safe environment of warm acceptance and trusted confidentiality and share their deepest hurts, needs and mistakes.

Confidentiality does not mean keeping silent - it means what 'happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'...

God is very clear that we compelled to confront those who cause division among believers. They may get mad and take affront, and leave your group or church; but the fellowship of the church is more important than any individual.

CULTIVATING COMMUNITY TAKES FREQUENCY

We are to develop the habit of meeting together.

You have to spend a lot of time to build deep relationships. Community isn't built on convenience but on the conviction that we need it for spiritual health.

The first Christians met together every single day!

MAKE A GROUP COVENANT: (a word I co-incidentally used in my letter yesterday... amazing!)

We will share our true feelings - authenticity

We will encourage each other - mutuality

We will support each other - sympathy

We will forgive each other - mercy

We will speak the truth - honesty

We will admit our weaknesses - humility

We will respect our differences - courtesy

We will not gossip - confidentiality

We will make the group a priority - frequency

It means giving up our self-centeredness; the benefits of sharing life together far outweigh any costs, and prepares us for Heaven.

Much love ~ SB