A New Year - with an old silence to protect a fictitious reputation... - Godless

When answers aren't forthcoming, it is our human nature to 'conjure' up some sort of answer to make sense of it all. This may help us to move on, and is helpful in that way; but what if our 'educated' opinion should prove to be be untrue? Is it wise to carry on in pretense of acceptance of that potential lie? And most of the time we include that underlying fabrication into our 'freedom' from the past. Surely the blatant and glaring wrong in this can only manufacture a false reality? How wholesome can this be...?

It's hard to let go when we don't know why they're gone. It's natural to want an explanation, an understanding, something that puts their leaving into perspective. It's hard to move on when there is nothing but silence, or worse, a strangely formal way of relating, as though you made the whole thing up.

But we can't put our lives on hold, waiting for an answer that may never come. Maybe they will tell us one day, or maybe they will never understand it themselves. It isn't that important. What is important is that we don't abandon ourselves in the heart of loss. That we don't make another's presence more important than our own. That we don't lock ourselves in a prison of our own making, waiting for an external liberator to set us free. If they have left, we have to leave too. We have to let the pain through the holes they left behind so it can find its ultimate destination. Because we have so much left to do. Our precious life waits on no one...

Then how do I honour this challenge..?

"I also feel that it shouldn’t be my choice to come back to you (again). After the first time when you had the courage to approach me and started our relationship, every other time I have initiated the contact. The two occasions when I made contact with you again after we broke up – my sense was that you didn’t want to be with me enough to give up whatever else made you give me up and that you were still holding onto (was it fear?). And this time round again I was the one to initiate contact, and am having to do the work and make the sacrifices to see you.
So I am putting it back into your court again. If you really want to be with me this time – you do the work in separating from or conquering whatever it is you need to, so that you can come into your full personal power. And come to me as a man who is seeking to be a ‘’king, warrior, magician and lover’’ so that I can be your queen, and we can build a mature relationship.  I am not perfect by any means, and I realize that we are work in progress and that in a relationship we will continue to heal each other with our love. But there are some things which I feel you need to address before we can even get started.
You are the one I want to be with, and I am not going anywhere with anyone else. If you are prepared to do the work, you’ll know where to find me when you are ready to."