What's your excuse...?

Years ago, when people would tell me about their problems coping with life, I'd consider the unconscious motivations for their behaviour. You know, associations such as: "Your father abandoned you at a young age, and of course you'd be scared to trust men. That explains your promiscuity."

Neat package. Too neat. I was bothered by the notion that a bad experience in the past is the cause of all a person's present problems. I also worry about just how much blaming something in the past keeps people stuck and feeling like victims.

An acquaintance shared with me that at the age of 25 she is leaving her second marriage. I ask, "At what point did you know that husband No. 1 was violent and husband No. 2 was on drugs?"
"I suppose before I married" was her surprisingly frank answer. "My parents were divorced, and my brother died," she explains. "I was upset."
Her answer to being "upset" was to walk through the first two doors available. Now she is single with three children from two attempts to bury her emotional pain.

The modern-day "out" or excuse for such behaviours is generally psychological: "Considering my hurts, disappointments and traumas, I can't be responsible for the havoc I wreak in the lives of others or the mess I've made of my own life." Puhleeese...!!!

Does anyone really believe that only those people graced with great genetics, perfect parentage and ideal social conditions can - and will - behave with character, courage and conscience? Does anyone really believe that laziness and gutlessness are products only of some form of psychoneurosis? Nonsense.

Call me insensitive, but I believe that even with bad stuff in your past, you have choices. Everyone must overcome something. That simply is life. Of course, the typical rejoinder is "How dare you blame the victim for his unhappiness?" But there is a big difference between blaming the victim and trying to get across the fact that it is within his power to gather courage and move on. It seems nobody is acknowledged to have free will or responsibility any more; we have become a society of excuses and victims. Victimization is today's promised land of absolution from personal responsibility.

A comic strip shows two vagrants sitting on a wall and conversing. One says to the other, "Do you believe in fate?" The other replies, "Sure. I'd hate to think I turned out like this because of something I had control over!" - rings true, eh?

After listening to people's stories over the years, I have come to the conclusion that the path to healthy relationships and self-respect starts with the decision to do the right thing.

Another friend related her story to me about her repeated childhood molestations by both a stranger and a family friend, her parents' divorce when she was six, and the poverty that kept her from attending university. "Under these conditions I could have a become a 'victim,' " she concluded. "But I chose to change my circumstances through hard work and perseverance.
"While some of my decisions were indirectly related to what happened in my childhood, I'm still responsible for the choices I made. Once we decide to make the best of whatever our situation is, we will be better people, and the world will be a better place in which to live."

Acknowledging that you are responsible for messing up your own life is admittedly very upsetting.
But it is that very acknowledgment that gives you the power to change things.

The young son of a close friend was on drugs for eight years. "I took anything," he admitted. Why? "To have fun with my friends. It was a blast. I just liked it."
Today he is drug-free. "I had some long-range goals, and they just weren't panning out," he told me. "I tried changing jobs, friends, love relationships, and still wasn't getting anywhere. Then I realized that I was the constant in the equation, and the constant was that I was using drugs."
He decided to confront a bad habit and kick it. He wasn't diseased. He wasn't a victim.

Uncertainty. Loss. Lonesomeness. Conflict. Sometimes life seems a like a huge maze, an obstacle course, a trial by fire, even a bad joke with you as the subject. I don't believe for a minute that everything that happens to you is your doing or your fault. But I do believe that the ultimate quality of your life and your happiness is determined by your courageous and ethical choices and your overall attitude.

You may get some bad bricks and weak steel, but you are still the general contractor. What do you want to do? Fake it? Bemoan it? Change the plans? Wait for better parts?

As a friend said to me very recently, "The more time we spend blaming our circumstances on others, the more time we waste, because while we were blaming, we could've been doing."

God bless y'all - (thank you to LAURA for the original content and train of thought)

Easter - the celebration of life over death

Today we celebrate the truth that Death is Dead. Jesus was dead, but now He is alive. He was on the cross and in the grave but now He is seated at the Father’s right hand and rules in power! This is not just an obscure historical moment we celebrate and commemorate today. It is a present-day reality! Each of us are able to experience the same power that raised Jesus from the dead being at work in our lives, today!

The power that raised Jesus from the dead can:
Resurrect your personal life;
Resurrect your partnership;
Resurrect your relationship with your children and/or your parents;
Resurrect your love for life;
Resurrect your joy;
Resurrect your vision;
Resurrect your hope;
Resurrect our nation, our community, our friendships - the world!

But for this power to be released in us we need to surrender to Him and allow Him to rule and reign in our lives. I pray that each of us will have the grace to do so today. So have a wonderful celebration today! Give your life to Jesus as Lord! And receive His resurrection power!!

HAPPY EASTER! Christ is risen, He is risen indeed! ~ much love, Stafford

Don't let your emotions make you a bitch?

Some of our struggles involve making decisions, while others are a result of the decisions and choices we have made. Some struggles result from choices others make that affect our lives. We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond.


Many struggles come as problems and pressures that sometimes cause pain; others come as temptations, trials and tribulations...


Life may have different chapters, but one bad chapter doesn't mean its the end of your book. Its just a new beginning for you, see it as a second opportunity in life to be greater and do better in your next chapter. How successful you are is completely determined on how you appreciate what you've got and what you'll make out of what you have.

We often fear too much; that eventually our own fears cheat us out of our dreams; right now God is bigger than whatever you're worried about, even though life puts you in tough situations; don't ask why? Just say try me. Understand that every day is a challenge but not every day is the same challenge, its like a test; you pass or you fail, but that doesn't mean give up on yourself, believe in yourself enough to know what's your worth, and don't overlook the people, answers and signs He places in your path...


Life is not perfect; it never will be. You just have to make the very best of it and have to open your heart to what the world can show you, sometimes its terrifying and sometimes its incredibly beautiful. So, ignore the next person's ignorance, hate, drama and negativity - it stops you from becoming the best person you can be. Mistakes made are proof that you are trying; it's not proof that you'll never be successful - God hasn't given up on you, why would you want to give up on yourself?


You need to learn how to select you thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day, this is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad - work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control. Once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less... - you are somebody's reason to smile... it is part and parcel of God's purpose for placing you here - find, embrace and revel in that purpose!


Godspeed, y'all! (",)

Life's Desire... I just want to be

Hi, Mommy


I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up. ... You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already. ... Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy,Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills,and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay.

Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again.You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy. ... ... ... ... ...

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy.You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.
I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.
... ... ... ... ... ...
Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?
You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?
It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did Itell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't knowwhat you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!
Mommy, what are they doing to me!?It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.
Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!
I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” -James 1:22

I hug you very much...

I love telling this story... A while ago I was at Cape Town International Airport, dropping off my godchild-nephew for a flight up country. He's 28 years old, big built and quite tall. He said goodbye, gave me a hug and went off to catch his flight. As I stood there watching him proceed through customs to board the plane, a man came up to me and said, "I watched you say goodbye to that young man. Your son? Is he always affectionate like that?"
My nephew, I explained, and told him yes. And the man looked sad and said, "Do you know what I would give if just one of my sons ever did that to me?"
"Why wait?" I said; "Do it to them first."

Go on... hug somebody you love right now!

Rules for Being Human...

Rule One – You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it’s yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what’s inside.

Rule Two – You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them ‘is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life’.

Rule Three – There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it’s inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you’d want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement – of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine – it’s also ‘the act of erasing an emotional debt’. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour – especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps – are central to the perspective that ‘mistakes’ are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four – The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons – they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance – ‘causality’ must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required – change doesn’t happen overnight, so give change time to happen.


Rule Five – Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the ‘rhythm of life’, don’t struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change – be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six – “There” is no better than “here”. The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what’s good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven – Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight – What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don’t get angry about things – bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us – use it when you need to do what’s right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities – our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise – wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself...

Flawed to change...

'The more things change, the more they stay the same' - not sure who's the first person who said that; but its a sentence that somewhat explains our tragic flaw; our inability (or fear) to change.

The more you get to know people you realise its kind of everyone's flaw; staying exactly the same, for as long as possible. Standing perfectly still feels better, safer somehow; and if you're suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected, who knows what other pain might be waiting out there; chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo, you choose the road already travelled, and it doesn't seem that bad; not as far as flaws go... you're not a hopeless addict, you're not killing anyone - except maybe just yourself a little.

When you finally do change, it doesn't happen as an earthquake or massive explosion, or all of a sudden you're this totally different person; its smaller than that. Its the kind of thing most people won't even notice; unless they looked really, really close... - which many hardly ever do!

But you notice it, inside you, that change feels like a world of difference (and you hope that it is); that this is the person you get to be now, and that you are never going to be that person you were before, ever again...

The birds and the bees... and the bull - A conversation between a father and son

Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable so THAT conversation should be fun.

No, I’m talking about THAT other conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well – following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn't matter where it is, there will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation: "Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters...

A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly.  Here is what I will tell you.  It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning.  It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing.  You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing – or not wearing.  But don’t.  Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.

Look right at me.  That is a ridiculous lie.

You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this.  We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We've been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: a woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident.  Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.

I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being. My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other.  And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want. Ultimately, it’s what you want..."

Philosophically Speaking...

There are a good many worthy Philosophies out there; in fact we are spoilt for choice if we have the presence of mind to better ourselves and to embrace any of them (which we, more often than not, sub- and unconsciously do). And that is a good thing. - We must however be aware that committing to a particular philosophy carries the danger of stagnation...

A philosophy or ideology is a theory or view of ideas formulated through experience and investigation which seeks to explain events by sussing out the laws and causes underlying reality. In effect a critique and/or analysis that makes inquiry into the nature of things based on logical reasoning - in a nutshell, it is the love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means that endeavours to seek mass approval.

One would gather, by its very definition, that a philosophy is not a destination, but rather a BASIS, or foundation. It is a set of ideals or laws we may use to initially start FROM and not necessarily unwaveringly live BY. In fact a 'philosopher' isn't the person or persons that formulated the philosophy - it is the FOLLOWER that is called a philosopher.

To avoid stagnation when becoming a philosopher - whilst living and adhering to the basis of a chosen philosophy - we must constantly and actively be questioning, growing and honing (shaping) that philosophy into an even more beneficial set of ideals for mankind to live by - take note that I am referring to WORTHY philosophies - look up the definition of 'worthy'.

I'm not going to rip into any of the existing 'worthy' philosophies that glaringly seek followers akin to cult-like radicals - although that would indeed give me great pleasure. Those philosophies are the ones that don't develop and produce philosophers; they tend to spit out disciplines and doctrines that call for strict, passionate static devotees - subjects devoid of, or restricted from, free-will and/or freedom of choice - in fact disallowing or frowning on alternate thought.

To get a better grasp as to the frequency of this occurrence; we have but just got to consider that any given country's Constitution is, in effect, a philosophy. Parliamentary Dictates or Acts are philosophies, as are even regional and cultural by-laws, etc - in fact whole the judicial system exhibits this attribution. Religious denominations, sects, cults, and the like, are all part and parcel of the plethora of philosophies pounding at our doors daily - and frighteningly, this includes the doors to our hearts and minds!

I could go on and on; but let me give you a case in point, that is more closer to my own experience and lifestyle I choose to live from and by: Did you know that should I have closed my mind and ONLY followed and adhered to the TEN COMMANDMENTS to the tee, in a blinkered and static manifestation of its ideals, I would never have come to know Jesus Christ as my Saviour? Oh yes, I would live an absolutely good and worthy life, totally in line with GOD's will, but the Ten Commandments on their own would not have taught me to strive and more importantly have the passion to open my spirituality, given its staid philosophical grounding, to also Love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind, nor would I know to Love my neighbour as myself. (Mat. 22:37-40) - I know certain arguments may be raised against this citation - you can take me up on that at another time - but it clarifies the point I am trying to make.

With this in mind, it follows that, the strength and lessons we draw from others must be varied; since nobody is perfect, we require a good few earthly teachers and role-models, who by no means must be geographically nor philosophically clustered - the wisdom must be garnered from all and every contact we meet, or are compelled to interact with - in so doing we learn to balance our passion to change. The gift of free-will or freedom of choice, is nothing, if not the freedom to change and employ reason, so as not to remain in a rut of lament and stagnation. Succumbing to circumstance is illogical for the reasonable man who has been indoctrinated, influenced and molded by maintaining the status-quo; and is tantamount to self-abuse... The rub is to define your circumstance and your current disposition thereof into a journey, and move out of the mindset that calls it 'home'...

In the end, a worthy philosophy is a basis that has got to include compassion and empathy; and allow itself to work in concert with the goodness found in other ideologies - and a good philosopher thereof has got to have the freedom of choice to extend, nurture and grow its worthiness, through change, into eternity - and, funnily enough, isn't that what God's plan for mankind is all about?

I Shall... God being my help and strength

Addressing the Persons that are to be married, the Authorised Official shall say (and this may differ from place to and place):
"I require and charge you both, in the presence of God, that if either of you know any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined together in Holy Matrimony, you do now confess it. For be well assured that so many as are joined together otherwise than God's word does allow, are not joined together by God; neither is their Matrimony lawful in His sight..."

The continuity and completion of the ceremony hinges on an affirmation to the negative of this question; and the sanctity of the marriage depends upon whether the solemn declaration made at this point is truthful. At this point any faults, restraints, reservations and adverse agreement to having God as the centre of the marriage must be confessed. (Be warned, God already knows) It is a vow, an oath, a covenant sworn to God and the Heavenly Host present - it is the crux of a successful and guaranteed blessed marriage - and quite amazingly, I believe, the only part of the ceremony that DOES NOT REQUIRE the attendance of any officials, witnesses nor congregation, not even the intended spouse - yet it is crucial in cementing a completely new stage in the journey of life, as a unified one, amongst these and all other people.

The 'I do's or 'I will's or 'I shall's (incidentally, 'I shall' is the correct contextual English) - the '...for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health...', MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING if this FIRST VOW to and before God has not been met. Before you resign your marriage to counselling, separation, 'time apart', and even 'frivolous' renewal of your wedding vows - address, truthfully confess and recommit to this INITIAL COVENANT every day; and God forbid, should the day arise when you cannot, and your resolve be exhausted, it would be far better for all parties that your union be dissolved - I know, harsh and scary.

Just recently I discovered that some couples have requested this part of the ceremony to be omitted; and shamefully, in many cases, the authorised Person or Registrar have shortsightedly obliged. This is tragic, because at this initial point, at this impasse, the true God-sanctioned marriage and union is written. This is the true marriage vow that will guarantee a successful and God-blessed partnership which will withstand anything the world may throw at it...

"I require and charge you , in the presence of God, that if you know any impediment why you may not be welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven, you do now confess it. For be well assured that so many as are shallowly expecting Eternal Life otherwise than God's word does allow, are not welcomed by God; neither feign bemusement that is your welfare is not precious in His sight..." - your free-will, your choice!

I take this opportunity to thank God from the depths of my heart for the inspiration and guidance He bestowed on me to be His instrument in documenting and sharing these words - All glory and honour I give to Him, Amen. (",)

Blessed Unity...

MARRIAGE is a relationship based in no small part on virtues. The most basic of these is responsibility, for marriage is an arrangement held together by mutual dependence and reciprocal obligations. But successful marriages are about more than fulfilling the conditions of a contract. In good marriages, men and women seek to improve themselves for the sake of their loved one. They offer and draw moral strength by sharing compassion, honesty and a host of other virtues. The whole of the union becomes stronger and more wonderful than the sum of the two parts. - William Bennet

MARRIAGE a School requiring no Certification before you start. A school where you will never graduate. A school without a break or a free period. A school where no one is allowed to drop out, a school which you will have to attend every day of your life. A school where there is no sick leave or holidays. A school founded by God: 1.On the foundation of love, 2.The walls are made out of trust, 3.The door made out of acceptance, 4.The windows made out of understanding, 5.The furniture made out of blessings, 6.The roof made out of faith.

Before you forget, you are just a student not the principal, God is the Principal Even in times of storms, don't be unwise and run outside, remember this school is the safest place to be. Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day Never forget the C-word, Communicate, communicate, communicate to your classmate and to the Principal. If you find out something in your classmate (spouse) that you do not appreciate. Remember your classmate is also just a student not a graduate, God is not finished with him/her yet. So take it as a challenge and work on it together.

Do not forget to study, study, study the Holy Book (the main textbook in this school). Start each day with a sacred assembly and end it the same way. Sometimes you will feel like not attending classes, yet you have to. When tempted to quit find courage and continue. Some tests and exams may be tough but remember the Principal knows how much you can bear. But still it is a school better than any other. It is one of the best schools on earth; joy, peace and happiness accompany each lessons of the day.
Different subjects are offered in this school, yet love is the major subject. After all the years of theorizing about it, now you have a chance to practice it. To be loved is a good thing, but to love is a greatest privilege of them all Marriage is a place of love, so love your spouse...

All things are held together by Him ~ SB

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13:1-3


CIRCUMSTANCE: It cannot cripple love; it cannot corrode faith; it cannot shatter hope; it cannot eat away peace; it cannot destroy confidence; it cannot kill friendship; it cannot shut out memories; it cannot silence courage; it cannot invade the soul; it cannot reduce eternal life; it cannot quench the spirit... unless we allow it!

You need not feel guilty that you turn to Me when you have exhausted all other possibilities for joy and there is nowhere else to turn. Thank yourself for going where you are sure to find comfort. Now is the only moment there is. Now, we are joined as One. ~ GOD

Everything Under the Sun

Look around you; there is only one reality. The reason that you are here, wherever here is for you, is because it is the only place that you can be right now. But even though reality is right here, and even though there is quite literally nothing but reality, it is very possible for you to miss it altogether. By miss it I mean to imagine that reality is something or somewhere other than here. As strange as it may sound it is very possible, even probable, that even though you have eyes to see, you do not see. And even though you have ears to hear, you do not hear. What you see and hear is not exactly what is actually here, but what you imagine is here.

Our imagination is a very powerful force in determining what we perceive. If we imagine that the world is teeming with evil forces, we will surely perceive the world as evil. But if we imagine the world to be essentially good, we will perceive it as good. Either way it is the same world that we are looking at. But the world is neither good nor bad in and of itself; it is simply what it is. And if we see the world as either good or bad, we will not be able to see it as it actually is. We will only be able to see it as we imagine it to be.

Now take this idea and apply it to everything and everyone in your life. Try it for a moment, or an hour, or a day. And if you do, you may begin to notice that the world you imagine to exist does not exist at all. This may cause you some fear, or possibly the thrill of discovery, but either way the important thing is to get some distance from the habitual way the mind contorts and creates perception.

But even though our mind imagines the world and everything in it to be other than the way it actually is, the reality of existence remains eternally untouched by our mis-perception of it. This is both relatively good and bad. It is good in that existence is eternally what it is. We need not worry about reality becoming something other than reality. But it is bad in the sense that the world we imagine to exist is always colliding with the world as it actually is. This collision is the cause of immense human suffering and conflict.

So we are trapped within our illusions and mis-perceptions. And the greatest illusion of all is to believe that we are not trapped. But even when we realize that we are confined within a prison of our own making, we are trapped because all the ways we struggle to get out of our illusions are illusions themselves. So, yes, we are trapped, and helpless to boot.

But there is a very strange thing that can occur at exactly the point where you realize that there is no escaping the imaginary world of your illusions. You bare your heart open to illusion, surrender your eternal struggle against it, and admit to being bound by its cunning imagination. I don’t mean that you become despondent or resigned to your fate. I mean that you truly let go in the face of your utter defeat and stop struggling.

And when all the struggle ceases, we realize that the prison of our mind cannot hold us in anymore, because the prison was all along something we imagined into existence. And imagined things aren’t real, they don’t exist. But we could never really see this as long as we were fighting the phantoms of our minds. We needed the one thing that our imaginary minds could not bring about, could not fake or create: the genuine surrender of all struggle.

In the blink of an eye, we are no longer confined within illusion nor our attempt to avoid illusion. When all struggle ceases, there is nothing to bind us to a distorted perception of existence and we can finally see. What we see is that we do not simply exist within existence, but all of existence exists within us as well. And although everywhere we look we see the endless diversity of life, we also now see our own true face in everything under the sun. - Adyashanti


CIRCUMSTANCE: It cannot cripple love; it cannot corrode faith; it cannot shatter hope; it cannot eat away peace; it cannot destroy confidence; it cannot kill friendship; it cannot shut out memories; it cannot silence courage; it cannot invade the soul; it cannot reduce eternal life; it cannot quench the spirit... unless we allow it!

You need not feel guilty that you turn to Me when you have exhausted all other possibilities for joy and there is nowhere else to turn. Thank yourself for going where you are sure to find comfort. Now is the only moment there is. Now, we are joined as One. ~ GOD

Have a beautifully blessed day, y'all! (",)

None so dumb...

Early this morning I clicked on my PC to watch the ending of a movie I had been viewing from the warm comfort of my bed last night, but had fallen asleep. I jumped back under the covers to enjoy the last 20 minutes of the tale... Last night, when all was quiet, the volume of the sound was set just right, even a bit loud; but this morning I struggled to hear with total distinction what was being said; and because of the crisp chill in the air, I was loathed to get out of bed again to adjust the volume a bit higher; and probably because I was not initially fully awake, I realised that I was not wearing my spectacles; and the thus the picture quality, in my eyes, lacked clarity and focal resolution as well... I popped on my reading glasses and voila! The picture was restored, I could SEE clearly; and amazingly the sound had improved too - I could now, in addition, HEAR everything better! - (I have no idea whether there exists some biological or scientific explanation to support my claim - but it works for me! Try it?) Yay, I didn't have to get out of bed, my world was good again...

It later occurred to me how similar this is to how we LISTEN to God and follow our FAITH in Him and His WORD. We can hear it, and even listen for it, but it becomes muffled. Our immediate circumstances cloud what we hear; the comings, goings and doings of our world prevent us from hearing very clearly, but we're sort of satisfied that, at least, some of it is getting through and we are encouraged by its constancy; yet still we are failing to hear it properly. I believe this is because we lose SIGHT of the big picture, the Master's Plan. We have adopted a distorted VISION and we have stopped SEEING (in our mind's eye too) and holding out for the FULL TRUTH. Evidence of the coming RAPTURE is already all around us - miracles abound - but we have come to prefer our rose-coloured glasses that cut out and sometimes even ignore what we should be hearing, seeing and sharing...

Let's all 'put on, and out, our best pair of glasses' today, and fully see and hear all the wondrous opportunities and revelations God has placed in our paths - I see it as RETURNING YOUR EYES UPON JESUS and PUTTING YOUR BEST FAITH FORWARD - Have an awesome day, y'all! (",)

Cross my heart...

Cross my heart

and hope to die

stick a needle in my eye

wait a moment,

I spoke a lie

I never really

wanted to die.

but if I may

and if I might

my heart is open

for tonight

though my lips are sealed

and a promise is true

I won't break my word

my word to you.

Cross my heart

hope to die

stick a needle in my eye.

a secret's a secret

my word is forever

I will tell no one

about your cruel endeavor.

you claim no pain

but I see right through

your words in

everything you do.

teary eyes

broken heart

life has torn

you apart

Cross my heart

hope to die

stick a needle in my eye

I loved you then

I love you now

I'll still love you

though I'll break my vow.

I can't hold this secret

any longer

it's hurting you

not making you stronger.

You're my friend

so I'll risk your respect

by hurting you

I can protect

I'll save yourself

since you will not

you might hate me

but I'll give it a shot.

I'm willing to risk

our bond that we own

so long as you're safe

you won't be alone.

Cross my heart

hope to die

stick a needle in my eye

break my promise

tell a lie

save my friend

though, maybe it's 'bye.

If you want to know if your friend will 'keep your secret' - try first, keeping it to yourself.

Sunday morning... coming down.

I got out of bed this morning, Sunday 02 June 2013 @ 08:20 a.m. - I had already been awake since about 05:00 a.m.; but the sounds of the storm still raging outside, had kept me under the covers. My morning prayer, which was conducted from there too, included a line seeking God's indulgence for not (and this always gives me a kick) 'rising up to kneel'...

It would seem the cold, wet weather had cut into my enthusiasm to give thanks from a more reverent position and focus. And it struck me how easily one can be swayed from following your convictions; how fickle and affected you can be - '...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak...' in this case. True worship requires all of you; heart, mind, soul and body... I didn't give it my ALL; did God still place any value on my morning prayer? Then another thought struck me; we should not enter into worship to make ourselves feel good about worship - we pray alone; and commune in church - to worship, to have fellowship, to sing praises SO THAT GOD WILL FEEL GOOD! The inspiration it gives one is a spin-off, a by-product... a blessing. (p.s. we please God immensely when we ask for His assistance and share our troubles with Him, too)

I, nevertheless, do believe that God still heard my morning prayer - I probably didn't impress Him as much as I could have, but He heard it... (I did a 'do-over' later) As for the weather's lesson - if something so natural and elemental (even now fully predictable) can sway my convictions and worthy action, how much less does it take for my nature (character) to be diluted by unpleasant and unexpected events and circumstances - betrayal, illness, financial strains, ungratefulness, etc. - makes one blink, doesn't it?

May God bless and guide our attitude and actions today! (",)

Life's paradox - reality not epiphany...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter

tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have

less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families,

more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more

knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine,

                      but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,

laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired,

read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much,

love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not

a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the

moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We

conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not

better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered

the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more,

but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more

computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we

communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small

character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two

incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of

quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands,

overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is

a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the

stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time

when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going

to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to

you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only

treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to

say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A

kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will

not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share

the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not

measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our

breath away. - George Carlin

May God add abundant blessings to us as we absorb and embrace the value of

these wise words; and put our adherence to His purposes in action - much love ~

Stafford

When will I see you again..?

Have you noticed, that when artists and illustrators dare to envisage GOD, they always depict Him as this old man, with a receding hairline, long locks about shoulder length, sporting an equally long white beard. They go on to dress Him in an unflattering white robe and open-toed strap-sandals. I suppose, given our perception of the effects of time, we haven't really anything more to go on with, than to envisage him as having aged quite considerably since He first started His Creation - our reality. But the attire? For a Supreme Being I think a smart double-breasted, pin-striped, Armani suit with matching shirt and tie and leather brogues would more befit an entity running the whole world - don't you?

I woke this morning, praise God!, with this on my mind - What is the perception we have of those we haven't seen for some time; the ones that have disappeared from our lives or departed this physical world. - In our minds we remember them as we last saw them. No further ageing has occurred over and through the ravages of time. I certainly don't imagine my late father (12 years now) as now having sprouted a beard and draped himself in a flowing robe with sandals. He still looks the same and still wears his shorts, calf-length socks, smart pair of shoes and collared shirt. - How do you recall the now unseen persons from your past? Parents, lovers, spouses, friends and acquaintances?


Perhaps today you should take some time and have another good look at those around you; those who are in your circles, those that affect your daily life. Really study their features. It could easily be the memory you will have of them for the rest of YOUR life! Pray - May God in His mercy bless and protect them all... (",)

For our true loved ones...

“You may not be their first, their last, or their only. They loved before, they may love again. But if they love you now, what else matters? They are not perfect - you aren’t either, and you may never be perfect together but if they can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto them and give them the most you can. They may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but they will give you a part of them that they know can break their heart. So don’t hurt them, don’t change them, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than they can give. Smile when they make you happy, let them know when they make you mad, and miss them when they're not there.” - It hurts to love someone when we can’t tell them what we really feel because sometimes we get hurt without them knowing. We get jealous even if we have no right to feel that way. We want their time even if we are not in the position to demand it. And although our hearts are breaking in silence, we still continue to love them because somehow in this hurtful love there is still hope of having simple moments with them even if it means being just a friend....

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Love yourself...

STARTING WITH LOVE ~ Ida Lawrence, Waking Times

It’s so easy to think we know something when we don’t and to believe something is a virtue when it’s not. This is a wrongside in our world and it’s no wonder we’re full of shadows. Many of us are treading softly into a new world. Seems a rightside in experience could be on the horizon.

“Everything is a feeling… follow your feeling,” the teachers say. I’m following my feeling. First observation: there are some very beautiful people on this road. On we go.

Is love a feeling? I’m sure it is so let’s start there. We believe in love. We love our children, our husbands and wives, our family and friends, our ancestors, our dogs and cats, our creations. It’s not hard to engage the thought of love when people and things please us and satisfy us.

When people and things don’t please us or satisfy us, then love could turn into sacrifice and obligation, or resentment, or even control. But it’s how we’ve always done love, right? When we go to bed at night, we believe we have done our best, and that’s how love works.

Having decided that, for now, we can move the focus. Let’s go to you and me, in this moment… the persons reading and writing these words. Who knows what’s inside us better than we do? We keep a record of every lie, every truth, every weakness, every strength, every harm, every kindness, every failure, every motive, and every desire. So why is it so hard to love ourselves?

The idea of loving ourselves is not new: tons of people are trying this and realizing that superficial doesn’t work. We cannot put self love on like a favorite shirt. It isn’t self indulgence, jacked up ego, the number of people we have helped or the sacrifices we’ve made. During the dark nights of the soul we all know that stuff doesn’t count.

Self love is ‘a long time coming’ when the shadows show up and our inner knowing speaks to us.

There is a beautiful word in the English language: mercy. This word implies forgiveness and compassion for someone you have power over… someone you have the power to punish; someone you believe may deserve punishment. Who has the power to punish us minute by minute, hour by hour, more effectively than our own selves?

Getting to mercy can become a little easier to accomplish if we look at conditioning. I remember myself as a very young, very happy, trusting, forgiving child. My understanding was so natural that when my dad preached a sermon on children and their capacity to forgive I knew he was talking about me. That child was my true self. No lack of self love there – it’s natural.

The first sign of clouds in the sky came when I was about five, as I tried to understand the concept of original sin. I remember it as the words, “you are born in sin.”

I understood that only an outside force could make me clean inside. I didn’t see how I could be dirty inside, but I accepted that I was. And thus began my journey of looking to the outside to make my inside clean through some sort of external to internal process.

What I didn’t know was that the world I was born into is judgmental, punitive and controlling, to say the least. Conditioning: it’s the matrix placed around that little package of light that is us. While the earth may sustain us with its beauty, the human world is an anti-nature story. Was the book that my dad took his sermons from translated wrong… is it ‘born into sin’ and not ‘born in sin’?

There are those who say that we have made an agreement through our birth: our spirit agrees to face certain experiences that will assist us in evolving. I happen to think that may be accurate. There are also those who say we create our own experience with our thoughts, and we need to change our thoughts to bring about different outcomes. That makes sense. Let’s work on it.

Through the conditioning process there came into existence the me that blamed and condemned others, and the me that blamed and condemned myself. Add to this the me that hid myself from others, and the me that hid myself from me. My true self… where did it go? That spirit dwelling within the body who agreed to this experience in order to evolve… where is she seated?

The seat of the heart/mind is a hallowed place where our precious sins, obligations and sacrifices can be burned away. Desire for a reunion with our true self lights the flame. I know how hard this is, because it goes against all conditioning. I can just hear the freaking out… no, no, I cannot burn up what I am. This is where I acquire my virtue! Oh what to do!

Beside the beautiful lady mercy is the noble man, responsibility.

Nobody outside of you can make you responsible. You pick up responsibility and take it on. It’s a lot different than obligation. One has power and we know which one.

If we wish to live as our true self, what will be the first thing we take responsibility for? Nurturing, protecting, expanding and evolving our light, which is our energy or spirit or the feeling of us. It is a sacred task leading to liberation.

Love is a feeling that emanates from the seat of the heart/mind. It allows the evolution of every spirit, without judgment and control.

The journey to the rightside in our world is not an easy one… it is indeed a quest, requiring courage, commitment, and willingness to migrate leaving much behind. When the teachers say to follow your feeling, believe it.

Generate the feeling of love and go to what feels like that. Like attracts like is our GPS.

In reverence, and with gratitude for the teachers and helpers on this journey...

For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.” -1 John 3:11 

EGO - bane of the soul...

Raising Vibrations How to Quiet the Mind By Gina Lake The mind is a wonderful tool for thinking, but it has a dark side. There is an aspect of the mind that is not useful but pretends to be useful, which is called the egoic mind. It is the aspect of our mind that chats with us as we move about our day. It is the "voice in our head," as Eckhart Tolle calls it. Much of the time, this voice seems like our own thoughts and our own voice, and we often express these thoughts (e.g., "I love doing that!" "I can't wait until tomorrow." "I wonder what will happen"). At other times, this voice is like the voice of a parent or other authority figure or a friend (e.g., "You should try harder." "Don't forget to take your vitamins." "Wouldn't it be fun to try that!"). It may even seem evil or mean (e.g., "You never do anything right. You're worthless. You might as well give up"). We tend to take this voice seriously—we believe it, agree with it, and don't question it. We believe it because we are programmed, or wired, to believe our ow! n thoughts, regardless of whether they are true and helpful or not. Not only do we believe these thoughts, but we believe they are "ours." We identify with them—we feel they reflect who we are. We don't tend to question our own thoughts, although we readily question other people's thoughts, especially if those thoughts are different from ours. But when we stop and examine what this mental voice is saying, we discover a lot of contradictory advice, misinformation, prejudices, judgments, and other negativity. This mental voice is often unkind, belittling, fearful, self-doubting, judgmental, complaining, confused, and unhelpful. It turns out that the voice in our head is not a very good guide to life, and yet we tend to accept what it says and do what it suggests. This voice, in fact, is the cause of human suffering. It fights life, rails against it, and is discontent and afraid. It is the voice of the false self—the ego—not the true self. The thoughts that arise in our mind cause every negative emotion we experience: fear, guilt, anger, jealousy, shame, sadness, resentment, envy, hopelessness, worthlessness, and depression. Without these thoughts, we would live in peace within ourselves and in harmony with others. But you already know this, don't you? The funny thing is that we can see the truth about the egoic mind and still be entranced by it, still be mesmerized by it. The programming to pay attention to and believe this aspect of the mind is very strong, and it takes not only seeing the truth about it, but also a practice, as in meditation, of not giving our attention to this mental voice before we gain enough distance from it to experience freedom and the joy and peace of our true self, or Essence, as I like to call it. The reason for moving out of the egoic mind and into the Now is to experience who we really are. Our thoughts represent the false self, the ego. In fact, all the false self is, is thoughts. There is no substance, no thing, that is the false self—only thoughts. The false self is made up of ideas about yourself: "I'm a woman, I'm a mother, I don't like traveling, I'm middle-aged, I like blue, I'm married, my father deserted me when I was young, I want to be a novelist, I'm not pretty enough," and so on. Such ideas create an image and sense of yourself, but you are not an image or even this sense of yourself. Images aren't real or true. Feelings about yourself aren't even real or true, since they are based only on thoughts, which aren't real or true. Who you really are has nothing to do with any of these ideas, feelings about yourself, or stories you tell about yourself. Your true self is the experience of yourself existing in this moment, free of such constructs, stories, and self-images. To experience your true self, or Essence, you have to move out of your self-images and thoughts about yourself into the experience you are having right here and now, absent of thoughts and self-images, which obscure who you really are. We become entranced by our thoughts and overlook reality—the real experience we are having here and now. The egoic mind, however, doesn't want you to stop paying attention to it, so it continually tries to engage your attention. It persists in this because this is how the false self is maintained. If you stop paying attention to your thoughts, the false self disappears, and all that's left is Essence—the real you who is experiencing this moment. There is something else here besides this character you suppose yourself to be, and that's what is actually living your life. This that you truly are is looking out of your eyes, hearing sounds, reading and understanding these words, and having every other experience that is part of this very unique and potentially delightful moment. What else are you experiencing besides reading? What colors are you experiencing? What sounds? What sensations? What intuitions? What drives? What insights? What is the Being that you are experiencing right now? The more we bring our focus into the present moment and onto our actual experience (as opposed to focusing on our thoughts), the more we experience the joy and contentment of the spiritual being that we are. This that we are is having a wonderful time having this adventure we call life. It embraces all of it—every experience. When we come into the Now, we experience the peace, joy, contentment, wisdom, patience, kindness, and strength of our true nature. At our core, we are all loving and joyous beings! It is only identification with the egoic mind that makes us feel and act otherwise. The only thing that interferes with the experience of Essence is absorption in thought. Imagine that! The egoic mind is the only thing that interferes with living more lovingly and more at peace with ourselves and the world. We are all beautiful and amazing creations! My intention is to help you see the truth about your ego and the egoic mind so that you can more easily and more consistently experience who you really are. Fulfillment and true happiness is found by dropping out of our ego and egoic mind (the false self) into the Now—into the experience of Essence. That is what we are about here. The practices, explorations, video, and guided meditation offered in this lesson are a very important part of this discovery. Please give yourself fully to them this week. Sending all love and blessings…