Suicide - time, tide and consequence...

I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough, without ever having felt sorry for itself. - D.H. Lawrence

Trying to help someone deal with a death is awkward and difficult enough; and suicide is a million times worse. People who have lost someone not due to death itself, but something as painful and awful as suicide, don't just have grief weighing on their shoulders - they are experiencing anger, guilt, confusion, shock, horror and trauma that goes beyond the "normal" after emotions of a death. They may not have known the deceased was unhappy; they may be angry for being left behind; they may feel guilty and hate themselves for not being able to prevent it. The victims of suicide are not just limited to the person who committed it - suicide leaves a life long mark on all those around it.

They may lash out at you, more than once. They may feel that you "just can't understand", "don't get it", or simply are too angry and scared to be rational and clear at this moment in time, as previously stated. Remember that they are not in a frame of mind where you should take their words to heart. If they want space and time alone, then be sure to respect that. But if they seem resentful, bitter, angry or even hateful towards you, don't take it as you normally would. After all, these are not normal circumstances.

Another chapter of your life story has closed so that this one may open. Stop struggling and simply be where you are in this moment. Let the feelings of pain, loss, inconsequence, guilt and grief wash over you; let them crest and fall away. And then, when that process feels complete, pick up your story with a sense of adventure and begin anew. For you can begin again. Be willing to try new things, to do what you have never done, to be open to new ways of being in the world.

Be bold in reaching out to survivors of suicide. Don't be afraid to discuss the subject of suicide with survivors, but temper your comments. Grieving survivors need to be acknowledged, not ignored. People don't care what you know until they know that you care. Be a good listener. Allow a survivor to talk about what he is feeling. It is important for you to listen closely to anything the person says. Do everything you can to let the person know you are there for them and willing to listen without judging or challenging. Encourage counseling or support group attendance. Be practical. What can you do for the person right now? Be specific about what you are willing to do. Be available. Being available is difficult, because it takes time, but being sensitive to the small amounts of time we can give could reap large rewards in someone's life. It doesn't really matter what we say to comfort people during a time of suffering, it's our concern and availability that count. - Remember the pain they feel is unavoidable; the suffering they feel is their choice...

If despodancy presents. Don't be hard on yourself, rather, be forgiving and understanding and kind. What has not worked out for you yet, does not mean that nothing will ever work out for you. See the Universe as befriending you, not betraying you. Ask for help and for miracles. For as you ask, you shall receive. But between the asking and the receiving, you must trust. That is your part. See your situation differently, with trust that all is unfolding perfectly, and this will set you free...

Love and GOD Bless ~ Stafford SB

And you, my father, there on the sad height, 
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. 
Do not go gentle into that good night. 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. - Dylan Thomas

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” -John 3:17